Page 95 of Doesn't Count

“I-I just-” my mouth flounders trying to find the right words.

My feet instinctively retreat when he stands. He drops the papers to the coffee table and creeps forward. That heart inside of me that was once frozen is now kicked into overdrive, thumping so loudly that it’s the only sound in the room. His brows are dipped causing him to look angry with me, but I don’t know why that would be his reaction.

“I told you, it’s stupid.” I try to dismiss the gift, desperate to stop the feeling of rejection wrapping around my throat.

Suddenly, my back is against the living room wall and he’s crowding me, always the hungry lion ready to pounce.

“Why a star?” He asks again, his arms caging me in.

“I just-” I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut. I’m already embarrassed, so what’s the worst thing that could happen if I just tell him? “Khaos, you are not made for this world, you were made to rule over it. You belong to the universe and once I’m gone, at the very least, I can look up into the sky at night and know you’re still there.”

My face floods with heat, humiliation from my admission striking every chord inside of me creating an out of tune melody. Before I can run away and hide, his hands are fisting tightly in my hair and his mouth is crashing downon mine. The suddenness of the kiss has me stunned, the reaction completely unexpected. As his mouth moves along mine, his tongue pressing between my lips, I let myself melt into him. My hands find his back and I press him to me, relishing his warmth against my skin.

“Am I your God, Eris?” He breathes between ravenous kisses.

“If you are, then what does that make me?” I counter.

He rips my mouth from his with a rough yank of my hair, my head nearly slamming into the wall behind me.

“The reason I choose to stay on Earth.”

His heated gaze dares me to deny his unapologetic words and even though it’s everything I want to hear from him, it still doesn’t break my wall down completely. I’m starting to think that maybe I’m the only one that can release this barrier around my heart, I just need to figure out how.

Khaos

A star...

Ash named a star after me.

“It’s right there,” I connect each dot with my finger, tracing the shape, drawing Orion for the millionth time.

“It just looks like a cluster of light.” Ash groans.

Her head knocks against mine lightly, her blonde hair tickling my cheek. My back is wet from the damp grass as we lay in her backyard, but I don’t care. I would stay here all night if it meant lying next to her.

There’s a brief silence between us, the only sound echoing in the night is the song of crickets chirping away. I take a deep breath, my head spinning with something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind all summer.

“Hey Ash?” I whisper.

“Hmm?”

“How do you know if you’re in love?” I ask, my heart thudding painfully.

“I think you just know.” she shrugs.

“That’s vague.”

“Well, in the books, it always starts off with small signs like your heart racing whenever you’re near that person, your palms sweating, or butterflies in your tummy.”

“Have you ever had any of those before?” I need to know.

“No, have you?”

“I think so.” I admit. “What do I do about it?”

“From what I’ve read, you’re supposed to kiss them and see if those feelings are still there.”

That’s when I decided I have to kiss her, my best friend. I can’t keep going on like this, the distance is growing just as fast as we are. She needs to know that I love her more than a friend, she is my everything, without her I don’t exist.

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