Page 89 of Doesn't Count

“My parents are going on a Christmas cruise this year. It’s been something they’ve been dying to do for a while now and Sam usually goes home to her parents.” Ash pauses for a moment, gnawing on her bottom lip. “Any chance you want to hang out with me instead?”

I can’t help the chuckle that escapes me, “Hang out or spend the holidays with you?”

The words that leave her lips aren’t exactly the words I’ve been looking for, but they’re so close. We haven’t spent more than a few hours away from each other for the last four and a half months and even that was too much for me. I’m not trying to scare her away, though, so I haven’t pushed her. For Ash, this is all new. For me? I’ve been waiting years for this moment, but I’m trying to be patient while her heart catches up to mine.

“Both?” She shrugs before becoming irrationally defensive. “I’m not asking you to move in with me or be my boyfriend, I’m just asking for some company.”

I spin her around to face me, cocking my brow. I know better than to think she can be vulnerable with me when it pertains to us. I’ve given her almost everything, apart from my old identity. I’ve claimed her as mine and silently promised the rest of my life to her, but there’s a barricade around her heart when it comes to me. The further I fight for us, the harder it is to break past those barbed wires. Little does she know; I’ll rip open every inch of skin on my hands if it means breaking through to what she protects the most.

“Sure. Only because you asked so nicely.”

Ash rolls her eyes, fighting a smile.

We snap a photo of us for her blog, my hand covering the lower half of her face, backlit by the enormous tree behind us. Little by little, she releases small teasers of us as if they’re not us at all. A part of me wants it to be real and not about her job and for a moment, I wish that I’m normal, but it’s stupid because wishes don’t come true. Instead, I remind myself to live in the moment because these moments are a thousand times better than the moments I’ve lived in the past.

“I have to warn you, my place is a lot smaller than what you might be used to.” Ash says as she opens the door to her downtown apartment.

“I think you forget that we’ve been living on a bus with three other guys for most of the tour.”

Christmas decorations adorn every corner of the small place, a tree taking up half the living room, garland lining the front door, little glass snowmen on every surface. There are even lights strewn along the edges of the ceiling. It’s tacky, but it reminds me of home.

We shed our layers and kick off our boots. As Ash walks over to the kitchen, my eyes scan every inch of her place, trying to find bits and pieces of the girl I grew up with. The living room seems to be neutral ground for the two girls, a grey L-shaped couch lining the wall, the entertainment center directly across from it against the opposite wall. Behind the tree hides a sliding glass door to a balcony, clearly unused in the winter.

I travel down the short hallway to the kitchen to join Ash, wrapping my arms around her from behind as she pours bourbon into two glass tumblers. She twists in my hold, facing me, her hands reaching behind my head to untie my mask. She tosses it to her granite countertop, her eyes never leaving mine.

“To being home for the holidays.” I murmur, taking a glass and clinking it against hers.

If only you knew how close to home I really am right now.

We toss the liquor back, solidifying our toast before slamming the glasses onto the counter. Her arms snake around my neck, the touch of her skin tickling mine causes a shiver to course through me. Lowering my head, I brush my lips along hers, my tongue savoring the spicy taste of bourbon on her breath. As heat spreads from my body to hers, I lift her up onto the counter and wedge myself between her open thighs. Her fingers thread into my hair as my fingers skate under her shirt, traveling over her bare stomach.

“I want to do things with you.” She whispers against my lips.

“Like what?”

I palm the side of her face, nuzzling mine in the crook of her neck, freeing her to speak while I devour her skin. The rise and fall of her chest quickens with every nibble.

“Like watch Christmas movies and bake cookies.” She pants.

The normality of her admission causes me to chuckle. I canfeel her cheek heat beneath my palm and her walls instantly start to rise. Before she can shut me out completely, I force her eyes to mine.

“Why are you laughing at me?” Her hands grip my wrists trying to shove me away, but I hold tight.

“I’m not laughing at you. I just haven’t done anything that normal in a long time. It caught me off guard.” I explain. “The last time a girl asked me to make cookies with her was before I left home.”

She quirks an eyebrow, “Oh really? So, I’m not the first girl to try to domesticate you?”

You’re the only one.

My smile widens, “Are you jealous?”

“Please.” Ash scoffs. “The girl was probably your mother.”

A laugh barrels out of me. The insult would have been annoying if it wasn’t for the fact that the girl was Ash herself.

“I’ll watch movies and bake cookies with you, but before that there’s something I want to do.” I slide my hands up her thighs, gripping her hips.

“What’s that?”

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