Page 70 of Doesn't Count

“Or the table.” Hypnos adds.

Sam’s eyes widen with surprise. “OH MY GOD! Maybe Khaos doesn’t need deets, but I do. Spill everything!”

I glower at the blonde adonis. The last thing I need is another male in my life throwing me under the bus. It’s not that I want to hide these things from Sam, but how can I pretend they didn’t happen when I’m being forced to admit they did?

“I think Ash is having a hard time accepting that she’s let Khaos do all these things to her.” Hypnos answers for me, reading my mind.

“Dude!” I shout, picking up a pillow and trying to suffocate him.

He laughs, “But in all seriousness, she’s told Khaos like eighty times none of it counts.”

Sam gives me a look of disappointment, “Why? Because you don’t want to move on?”

“I don’t know, maybe? I told myself that I would let love happen when it’s worth letting go of Oliver. Khaos and I, we hate each other. He’s not the right person and I don’t think he could ever be. I hate how weak I've been.” I confess.

“You’re not weak, Ash. You are stubborn though. You need to let that shit go. It’s been ten years. You can’t hang onto someone that’s been dead for ten years.” Sam pulls me into her, holding me against her chest. “As for Khaos, well, don’t let him ruin you. You deserve someone who will take care of you and your perfect heart.”

“I would give you guys some space, but I am totally naked.” Hypnos laughs.

“I guess I’ll let you two do your thing.” I gesture my hands towards them in a messy, jumbled circle and get up to leave.

“Dinner?” Sam calls out to me.

I smile, “Of course! See you tonight.”

Before I leave, I swing by my room to grab a couple new outfits. It takes everything I have in me to tear myself out of this place and head back to the hotel.

I walk into our suite with an iced coffee in hand. The silence is almost deafening, clearly the rest of the guys are still asleep. As I slam the door shut behind me, Khaos appears in the doorway of his room – the one I kicked him out of last night.

He shakes his hair out, water flying in all directionslike a dog after a bath. I want to laugh, but I remember I’m mad at him, so instead I feign my best scowl. It doesn’t stop him from stalking towards me, the fresh scent of spicy soap and clean linen wafting in the air.

“I would have brought you a coffee, but frankly, I don’t think you deserve one.” I stare down at him the best I can despite the fact that he towers over me.

“Wouldn’t drink it anyway.” He remarks.

I roll my eyes. “You’re lucky that Sam is incredibly forgiving.”

“No, I think you’re lucky. You’re the one lying to her.” He reminds me.

I want to hold onto this anger and frustration towards him, but it feels so misplaced. I hate that he’s not wrong, that he’s calling me out for being a horrible friend and a liar. The truth feels like an ice-cold bucket dowsing any rage I was feeling last night.

“I’m not lying.” Although, that is a lie in and of itself. “I just... sometimes don’t know how to admit these things even to myself, okay? So, it’s a lot harder for me to admit them to other people. It’s a little weird to tell my best friend that I’ve hooked up with you when we can’t even stand each other.” I explain.

“You can’t stand me?” He asks, one brow cocked teasingly.

I shrug, taking a long sip of my iced caramel macchiato.

“Look, I get that the way you lost your virginity-” I cringe when he says the word virginity, “-wasn’t ideal. It lacked flowers, love, and romance, but you obviously felt something enough to go through with it.” He reminds me.

“Yeah, I felt high.” I argue.

His palms slide down his face as he sighs with frustration. “And what about the other times, Ash? Jesus, can you just be real for one second here? I’m not begging you to marry me, I’masking you to just acknowledge the fact that maybe, just maybe you’re attracted to me.”

I scoff, staring at him like he’s lost his mind. “Me attracted to you? Okay, says the guy who ogles me every second of the day! Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

He pushes forward once more, his body nearly swallowing mine.

“I’m not the one denying things.” I can feel the growl rumble in his chest.

---