Page 48 of Doesn't Count

I drop my head into my hands, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

“Did you use a... you know?” She’s hesitant with her question, the thought of us together sending her into another frenzy.

“A what?” I push her.

She rolls her eyes, “You know! A... condom.” She whispers the last part.

“Jesus, after all that and you can’t even say the word condom.” I groan.

“Well, did you?” She asks again.

“I-I don’t know.” I admit, glancing in the trash for any evidence.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” She pushes, panic settling in deep.

My fingers rub my chin under my mask, thinking back to last night. To be honest, the worst part of all of this is that it’s mostly a blur. Flashes of moments between us resurface here and there, but nothing substantial enough to recall the answer to Ash’s question.

I shake my head, “I mean, can you remember?”

“No.” She crosses her arms again.

“Okay then. Let’s assume the answer’s no.” I conclude. “Are you on birth control?”

“Why would I be on birth control? I’ve never had sex before and I certainly didn’t plan to while I’m on a job assignment!” Her voice now two octaves higher.

I back up, realizing this is way out of my realm of expertise. I’m not proud to admit, but my knowledge in the female department severely lacks understanding. I blame it on the experiences I did have growing up and those were not exactly normal.

She’s hyperventilating now, pacing back and forth across the tile. “I can’t return to work in six months pregnant! I would lose my job! I can’t be a single parent! I can’t be a mother for fucks sakes!” She’s losing it, spiraling and I feel so damn guilty.

“Who said you had to be a single parent?” I ask a little offended.

She stops in her tracks, her death glare directed straight at me. “So... what? We’ll co-parent? You’ll see your kid every once in a blue moon when you’re not on tour? The kid will never even know what you look like! What a stupid question.”

“Ouch, okay. Well, calm down. You don’t even know if you’re pregnant and on top of that, they have this little thing called Plan B.” I remind her, something my bandmates know a lot about.

“Then what are you waiting for?” She barks, ushering me out of the bathroom.

She slams the door in my face, and I stand there stunned. I’m not sure if I’m relieved that she’s willing to take Plan B or offended. Logically, I know I should be relieved, but a really fucked up part of me doesn’t hate the idea of being a father. Maybe now isn’t the time... Well, it’s definitely not the time, but someday.

I throw some clothes on, refresh the gauze on my hand, and leave Ash to fester in her own thoughts. The very idea of giving herself to me must be tearing her up inside and even though I feel guilty for taking something that wasn’t meant for me, I also feel a small sense of triumph. Like I’ve won the ultimate battle between the two of us and all she can do now is wave her white flag and bow down to the conqueror.

I step out into the living room, greeting the guys. They’re spread out across the furniture, silently staring at me with accusation in their eyes. I drop my head back, annoyed that I now have to explain myself to them, as if it’s not already awkward as fuck.

“What did you do?” Kokytos breaks the silence.

“Are we fucked?” Than accuses.

“Blame Hypnos.” I deflect.

“What did I do?” He asks, shocked.

“You got us all high and now we’re in a situation that isn’t ideal.” I explain like he’s an idiot.

His eyes widen, “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, I stole her virginity and now I have to go get her Plan B, you asshole.”

They all wince, Than rubbing the back of his neck. “That certainly is not ideal.”

---