Page 37 of Doesn't Count

That gets him riled up, I can see the heartbeat in his neck pulse rapidly, rage building inside of him. He scoffs, ready for a fight.

“Funny,” He growls. “Is that what you thought when you gushed all over my mouth after fucking my face with your hands tied above your head?”

“Shit!” Kokytos snorts, his fist covering his mouth.

I pinch my lips, every nerve inside my body incinerating with a venom so poisonous it could kill.

“Fuck you.” I spit, spinning on my heels and walking away.

I can hear someone follow, but I am really not in the mood.

“Go away!” I shout without turning around.

“Hang on a sec.” Hypnos catches up with me and slings his arm over my shoulder.

“Not in the mood.” I warn him, continuing to storm through the woods and far away from the asshole I left behind.

“Ash, don’t be mad. You know he has a temper, and you poked the bear.”

“He’s an inconsiderate ass. He deserves to be more than poked.” I snap.

“Ass, yes. Definitely, but after what’s gone down, I’m not sure I can agree with inconsiderate.” He chuckles.

I roll my eyes, groaning. I’ll never hear the end of this. “It was a moment of weakness. I don’t want to talk about it or think about it. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Why not? We all have needs. It’s really not a big deal.” He removes his arm after realizing I wasn’t going to slow down and throws his blonde hair into a bun in the center of his head. “I’d ask if you’re saving yourself for marriage, but you already told us you’ve had sex before, so I’m just not seeing the issue.”

“I’m here for a job. I’m supposed to be a professional and professionals don’t sleep around with the band. It would make me a groupie and to be perfectly honest, Night’s Deadly Deeds isn’t my jam.” I rant.

“Ouch. I’m going to brush that one off because I think you’re just a little pissed off at my boy and because I’ve seen you mouthing the words to every song at our concerts.” He rubs his chest as if I’ve hit him straight in the heart. “Just because you take that stick out of your ass every once in a while and have fun doesn’t mean you’re not a professional. It’s just life, live it.”

“You don’t get it.” I shake my head.

“Then help me.” He pleads.

I throw my head back, taking in the different shades of green from the leaves above us. I watch as the birds' flit from one branch to another and take a couple deep breaths.

“Something happened... a long time ago. It’s just really made me rethink a lot of things.” I sigh.

“Something bad? Did someone hurt you?” He asks quietly.

I shake my head, “Not exactly. I lost someone and I don’t think I ever got over it. I know it’s been ten years, but it was traumatic, and it’s really made it hard to build relationships, at least romantic ones.”

“Jeez, ten years is a long time, Ash. I think maybe it’s time to shake itoff.”

I freeze where I stand, glaring at the blonde headed idiot. When he realizes I’ve stopped walking he turns around to face me.

“You have no freaking idea what I’ve been through. Shake it off?” I laugh mirthlessly. “You have no clue what you are saying.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you. You know I never mean to upset you, Ash. You can talk to me, tell me what happened for you to get to this conclusion that you can never kiss another person or let them in without it meaning something.” He pleads, gently grabbing my elbow.

I stare up into his dark brown eyes, searching inside myself for words.

“I can’t.” I choke out, a sob caught in my throat.

Hypnos’ nose flares and without another second passing, he pulls me into him, holding me while I cry into his chest. He gives me time to let it all out, every emotion that I’m feeling, which happens to be a very large range.

It’s the first time I’ve cried about my past in years. It took a long time to feel numb, let alone okay and even then, I was never truly okay. I’m still working out a lot of issues, but I’ve found normalcy in my life again and it’s all I can ask for. I don’t want to screw it up.

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