Page 135 of Doesn't Count

“Ash... I’m so sorry.” She frowns, placing the mug in my hands.

“It’s like I mean nothing to them. I’m just there to be used. My life is just another story for profit.” My lungs inflate with a rush of air.

“What are you going to do?”

“Nothing. I quit. Told everyone to just fuck themselves and walked away.”

Sam nods, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ears. “I think that was the best call.”

Khaos

“Let’s talk about the plan one last time before you’re discharged, yeah?” Dr. Gillispie encourages.

I’ll be honest, after nearly five months in the hospital, I’m nervous to leave. It’s like I’m wrapped in a bubble, where the outside world can’t touch me. No media, no influences, no stressors. Just me, my thoughts, and therapy.

“Staying with my parents. Outpatient sessions with you twice a week. Taking it slow and focusing on my mental health.”

“Great. Now, let’s talk about your friends and Ash.”

I sigh, “What about them?”

“Do you plan to see them? Our last family session, your mother was very concerned about you reconnecting with the people of your past.”

“She’s going to have to get over it. I told her that. These friends, they’re more than that. They’re like brothers to me. I’m not letting that go just because my mom is scared that I might be triggered. Ash, on the other hand... That I am nervous about.”

“Why?”

“I still can’t stop thinking about if my mother was right. What if she doesn’t want to see me? What if all she can see is a killer?”

“There’s only one way to find out, but Oliver, you need to do that only when you are ready. Don’t force it. Make sure that whatever the outcome is, that you can handle it.”

I nod, gnawing on my lip.

“Dude! Welcome home!” Hypnos slaps my back, pulling me into a hug.

“After being stuck in a bus with you guys for six months, I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t tell you how badly I’ve wanted to see your dumb ass faces.” I laugh.

“You look good, man.” Than squeezes my shoulder.

“What do we call you now?” Koke asks awkwardly.

“Oliver or Khaos?” Than wonders.

“Khaos.” I say with certainty. “Oliver doesn’t exist anymore.”

“He does to me!” My mother’s voice cuts through my bandmates.

“Yeah, yeah.” I wave her off. “He exists only to my mother.”

She ushers us into the basement, carrying with her trays of food. I feel like I’m sixteen and having friends over, something I think I would have done if I were still at home. It’s all a little weird, seeing as I'm twenty-four now and have lived on my own for a long time, but I let her get it all out, doting on us.

“Thanks, mom.” I grab the trays from her and place them on the coffee table between the couch and the large screen TV my dad bought for football games.

“Whatever you guys need, just let me know. I’m right upstairs.” She reminds us as if we weren’t already hyperaware of her presence.

“Dude, your mom is on one.” Koke laughs after she disappears up the stairs.

“She never got to do any of this, I think she feels like I’m still a teenager. Like our lives paused when I left, now she’s picking up where we left off.” I explain to them.

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