Page 126 of Doesn't Count

Slowly, my hand reaches for the handle, curiosity getting the best of me. Face to face, we stand there without a word. I don’t let her in, and she doesn’t try. However, she does let the little boy she’s holding slide down her side to his feet.

“Take your brother over to those chairs for me, please.” She instructs the older one.

He nods like a little soldier, trying to make his mother proud.

“How did you findme.” I ask.

“The police told me... Look, when I saw Ollie down there in that cellar, I couldn’t watch it all over again. I couldn’t watch them torture him, especially with you. The second I saw you I knew exactly what you were meant for, what you were brought there to do.” Her voice is soft and quiet, but a subtle anger simmers underneath her words, her eyes drifting down her belly.

Ollie.

I hate the way she says his name.

“He asked me to look out for you, you know.” She smiles sadly. “That’s when I knew he didn’t plan on fighting for his life. I couldn’t let him give up, but I have to be honest.” Her brown eyes glitter as they hold mine. “It wasn’t all for him. I wanted out too, I was so desperate for freedom, so I risked everything.”

My lips pinch as I consider her admission. She’s telling me that she saved our lives, but a part of me still clings to this resentment towards her. Like she’s the one at fault for all of it when really, she’s a victim just like me, just like Oliver.

“Did they get him?”

“Who?Father?” She wonders, her hand instinctively rubbing her stomach.

I nod.

“Yes. They took everyone into custody, even me. I didn’t get to see my boys for over twenty-four hours.”

“Am I supposed to feel bad for you?” I bite out, my anger unfiltered.

She flinches.

“You know, I grew up there. I wasn’t like the others. I was born into the church and raised as a devoted follower. I was groomed and well, when I met Ollie, that’s when I realized that the life I lived wasn’t normal. He would tell me all about the outside world, how beautiful it could be.”

A crack strikes down the shard of ice covering my heart. Her words continue to thaw this brittle hatred I feel toward everything and everyone right now. Though, it doesn’t stop the jealousy gnawing away at me at the sound of Oliver’s name coming out of her mouth.

“Why didn’t you leave with him then?” I questioned.

“How could I? At that time, I was already pregnant with my first child.Fatherwould have hunted me down and slaughtered me. I’ve only seen him do it a dozen times growing up.”

Now I officially feel like an ass.

“I’m sorry.” The apology stumbles out of my mouth uncomfortably.

She shrugs. “Don’t be. I’m just glad I finally had the guts to save myself and my boys. Luckily, it seemed to have saved a few others.”

She offers me a tired smile and that’s when I see the youth she hides with motherhood. She can’t be much older than I am. The thought of having to be responsible for anyone other than myself stirs an anxious cyclone in my belly, my chest squeezing.

Then the question I’ve been trying to bite back comes barreling out of me like an escaped prisoner running for their life.

“Do you love him? Oliver?”

I cringe but wait with my ears wide open. Her face pinkens and gives her away.

“I do, but he loves you. He’s always loved you.” She chuckles. “I probably know more about you than you think. It was all he could talk about. It was part of the reason I knew that life outside the church could be so beautiful.” She casts a look behind her to her boys who sat giggling next to each other in a set of chairs. “I have no idea what I’m going to do now. How I’m going to keep them fed and safe.”

“Your parents?”

She shakes her head, “Avid followers. Honestly, I’m not sure I’ll see them again, even if they get by without jail time.”

I gnaw my bottom lip, considering her situation for the first time. She’s like a baby penguin left alone after the parents go off to find food for weeks at a time. Either eaten alive or somehow surviving the struggle to defend themselves before they catch their break.

---