Page 40 of The Significance of Moving On

“Well, the day we fought, I found out he’d been using. Pills of some kind, I don’t know what. They were little and blue. I’d found them and I also found out that Daniel was his dealer.”

She kind of coughs out a strangled “No.”

For a moment we feel like Tally and Casey again. The Tally and Casey we were from the beginning of summer. Maybe we really could make friends work. But then she opens her mouth and the hope bubble deflates before my eyes.

“I understand why you don’t like him,” she continues, “but, and this is coming from someone who is struggling to understand the whys of suicide, you all lost Luke. He’s probably been beating himself up with guilt all these years for the part he most likely didn’t ever think he’d play in Luke’s death.”

What kind of bullshit is this? “You have compassion for him, but none for me?”

Her mouth hangs open. “What are you even talking about?”

“The cold shoulder? Yeah, I’m a monster. We both know it now, but I can’t believe after everything you’d defend him knowing that he’s his own brand of monster, too.”

Forget this. I stomp off, grab my coat and keys from D’s bedroom and bolt out the door. She can stay with them or get a ride home. I’m pissed enough that I jog to my truck and don’t even wait for it to warm up before I peel out of the parking space, squealing my tires, and drive.

It doesn’t matter where I go, only that I put distance between Tal and me. The wipers swish on the highest setting but with the slushy snow solidifying back tosnowsnow, the flakes look like the opening to Star Wars coming at me. Right turns and left turns lead me down roads so filled with potholes that even in my seatbelt my head hits the ceiling with each dip of tire. I’m going to ruin my axel and will definitely need an alignment and yet I can’t slow down, pushing harder on the gas because I’m a goddamn maniac.

There’s a slope to the road with deep drainage ditches to either side. I hit an icy patch coming out of a pothole and skid, but I’m going too fast to right myself and spin three times before crashing headfirst into one of the ditches. My forehead cracks against the steering wheel, my vision blurs and the last thing I remember is puking all over the front of my coat.

My head throbs when I open my eyes. I blink several times because even in the dark I can tell my vision’s fuzzy. There’s blood all over the dash since the airbag never deployed because I’d turned it off. Christ, I’m cold. I can’t stop shivering. My teeth chattering incessantly hurts my head even worse than it would with the gash on it alone. I just want to go home.

Where’s my phone? I search for about two seconds and the cab goes black again.

“You okay there, son?”

Is that someone shaking my arm?

There are lights flashing all around me and a man in a uniform stands at my open door.

“I’m cold,” I tell him.

“We’ll get you warm soon enough,” he says back, reaching over to another man who hands him clippers to cut the straps from my seatbelt. Then both men gently pull me from the truck, strapping a board to my neck, chest and legs before several more men help haul me out and they lay me flat on the frozen ground.

When each of the men is out of the ditch and in a stable enough position to lift without hurting themselves, they heave me onto a waiting stretcher and roll it to the back of an ambulance.

Someone drapes a thick blanket over me and heat pumps into the back, but my veins feel filled with ice and I don’t think I’ll ever feel warm again. Staying awake becomes harder as they move to check my vitals.

“Giving you something for the pain.” The medic draws clear liquid into a syringe and injects it into a tube running into my hand. I don’t think it’s supposed to make me fall asleep, but I begin to fall asleep.

“Stay with me,” he yells.

Chapter Eighteen

At least the room feels warm. I had a severe allergic reaction to one of the medications they shot into my IV, sending me into anaphylaxis where I almost died because I’d been unconscious at the time. A nursing assistant who came in to take my vitals caught it and they saved my life.

I could’ve gone to sleep and never woken up again. Not one person in my life knowing what happened because I have no family. Tally would end up homeless. I should put her on the house in case something happens to me she can sell the place. It would probably be smart to take out life insurance, too.

My thoughts get redirected to a loud commotion in the hallway and a spit-second later the door to my room bursts open. D and Kelsey rush in. “I could fucking kill you,” he yells at me.

Kelsey moves in wrapping her arms around his neck to calm him down, which helps some but he continues to breath heavy, glaring at me not with hate, but fear.

“Tally okay?” I ask.

“Tally” he yells back. “Fuck Tally.” I watch D throw his hand out in front of him. “This is aboutyou. I already lost one brother and you are hellbent on joining him. Newsflash. You weren’t the only one who lost Luke. Now I’m gonna be the one to lose you. I’m the one who’ll have to put your stupid ass in the ground.” That’s all he says, turning around to stomp back out of the room leaving me alone with Kelsey.

“D,” I call after him.

“He’s just… he doesn’t like feeling scared. He’ll come around.”

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