Page 63 of The Significance of Moving On

She nods while rubbing comforting circles on my back.

“Hey, hey… calm down. Tell me, what do you think really happened?”

“I think she probably surprised him, and I walked in at the worst time.”

“Well then what’s the issue?” she asks. It’s a legitimate question with a complicated answer.

I feel like a fool. “Imagine if it were you and Demetrius. My head knows he did nothing wrong, but if I see him tonight, I’m scared I’ll say or do something that will really hurt us both.”

“Where will you go?”

“I’ll figure something out.”

She grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together. “Or you’ll stay with D and me.”

It’s the gesture of a true friend and much appreciated but we both know it’s impossible for me to take her up on. “No, Kels. You two hardly get any time together. This is your night. I’ll be fine… You go enjoy yourself.”

She didn’t want me to go but per the unspoken best friend accord, she leaves to fetch me my purse and keys from under the table in the main hall where I’d stashed them earlier. Casey will have to find another ride home tonight.

A quick squeeze from Kelsey later and I slink away. As rotten as it is to not say goodbye to the bride and groom, I leave driving all night long.

The clock reads 7am when I finally pull back into the driveway in front of our house. Casey sits out on the front porch stoop still in his suit and Converse from yesterday, sleeves rolled up, not wearing his jacket. It’s freezing out and he’s not wearing his jacket. His head hangs in his hands until he hears the car, and when he looks up there’s such pain in those beautiful blue eyes, so much more than normal. I’m gutted.

The cold hits my bare arms when I open the door and I wrap them tightly around my middle when I get out of the car. Two steps on slippery ice, in heels sends me sliding toward the stairs. Casey throws his hand out to steady me, helping me sit on the stoop next to him. I take it upon myself to rest my head against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around my waist as we sit watching Tom’s house across the street, just listening to the wind blow.

“I’m sorry,” he says finally.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Casey. I know you didn’t. My guess is that she blindsided you. I just needed to set my head straight after seeing you like that, you know?”

“You had me out of my mind worried,” he says back.

“I’m sorry.”

When he places his hand in mine, resting them together on my lap, I’m home. This is why I had to leave last night, because sometimes you have to run away in order to realize, to fully appreciate, that there’s no place like home.

“If you don’t think I did anything wrong, why’d you leave me?”

“I didn’t leaveyou. I left to clear my head, to think. Whatever happened, we need to be able to discuss this like reasonable adults, not fueled by anger or shock or disappointment, or any numerous emotions that can show up when a situation like this hits.”

“Okay, let’s discuss. How ’bout the fact that you didn’t tell me about Daniel?”

“I know, I should have and I’m really sorry I didn’t. Just… I just didn’t know what had actually happened and didn’t want to cause any more problems between you and him for no reason. But I should have told you, you’re right.”

“I should’ve never started this.”

“This conversation?”

“No this.” He points back-and-forth between us. “I should’ve never started this.”

“Really, Casey? We have one disagreement and you’re going to push me away? We’re going to disagree from time to time. We’re going to have tiffs from time to time. We might have full-blown screaming at the top of our lungs arguments from time to time because we’re two different people. But that doesn’t mean we give up on each other.”

“It’s too hard, caring.”

“Caring about me is too hard? I made a mistake, Casey. I’ve apologized.”

He shakes his head, staring hard at his shoes to purposely avoid eye contact with me. “You know better than most,” he says after what seems like a millennium, “Caring makes us vulnerable.”

“Okay, it does. But is why is that bad?”

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