Page 44 of Mommy Calls Me Princess

I was out of words…

“Come on, let’s go for a walk and get some lunch.” Mommy took my hand and told her assistant Abby we’d be out for a while as we passed her desk.

“Probably not many more rain free days left this year.” The end of summer meant Seattle’s wet season was about to hit. “The sun feels good.”

“It does, my love. I know that phone call shook you, tell me what you’re thinking.” Mommy brought our joined hands to her mouth and pressed her lips to the back of mine.

I shrugged. “I don’t really want to say. Not sure if I’m more afraid of being wrong or being right. I hate to think the wrong thing about her.” What exactly had I been supporting by sending her money each month. How long had we been without a home? “Reality sucks. Can we go back on vacation.”

“I wish, my love, but unfortunately life doesn’t work that way.” She held the door open, and I stepped inside. No clue where we were, I’d not paid attention to anything along the way. Just trusted in my Mommy to keep me safe. Too bad my little was hiding away somewhere deep inside me.

“Table for two, ladies?”

“Yes, please.”

“If you want, I’ll meet her without you.” Mommy was very kind, but this was closure I needed.

“I appreciate that, but I have to see first-hand for myself.” Had my mother ever loved me? Did she even want me? Most likely I was a monthly government check and nothing more to her. Did she even know who my father was? Too many unanswered questions and honestly, ones I wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to. Needing and wanting were two very different things. “Did I leave my phone in your office?”

Mommy pulled it out of her purse and laid it face down on the table. “Baby, if you don’t want to do this we won’t do it. No questions asked.”

But if she turned the phone over and the message was there, how would we handle it?

“Let’s just get it over with.” I had my wife and my new family to help me through the hard days that were sure to come. Mommy flipped it over and there was the notification.

She googled the address and snarled. “Not too far and not in a good area. There’s no way in hell I’d let you meet her there alone.”

This just kept getting better.

“I’ll just transfer the money, then we won’t have to see her.” I reached for my phone, but she stopped me.

“Trust me, I hate what I’m about to say but it has to be said. I fully expect this to a clusterfuck, plain and simple. Let me just get that out there. But if you don’t see her, and see for yourself, you’ll keep living in a bubble that results in her draining your checking account. This will suck, there’s no two ways about it, but it has to be done.”

She was right. She’s always right. “I’m afraid.”

“I know you are, baby girl, but I’ll be right there beside you. Now, let’s eat, then we’ll get in the car and get this over with.”

I barely picked at my sandwich and said nothing along the short drive. The closer we got to the homeless encampment the sicker I felt. Was this where she’d been living all this time?

“Are you ready, Princess?”

No. “About as ready as I’ll get.” We stepped inside one of the dingiest coffee shops I’d been in. When she spotted Mommy her eyes widened.

“Who’s this?” she pointed at her.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” This woman may’ve had my eyes but that was it. Every inch of her was filthy. Her arms and face were covered in scabs, and she’d developed some sort of twitch. “You smell awful.”

She raised her hand to me, but Mommy caught it mid-air. “Do not ever raise your hand to my wife again. Understood?”

Mom drew her arm back like she’d been burned. I was stunned. I don’t ever remember my mother hitting me. Maybe I’d blocked it out, but I didn’t think so. Hell, she wasn’t around long enough to do anything to me.

Mommy pulled an envelope from her purse and handed it to my mom. “This is the last you’ll get from us. Do not reach out to Darcy again until you’re ready to get help. Rehab, I’ll pay for.” Her eyes lit up, but Mommy didn’t miss that. “I’ll pay the facility directly. But until you’re ready to get help, stay the hell away from her.”

She snatched the envelope and snarled. “That’s my daughter, you can’t tell me what to do with her.”

“Yes, she can,” I cut in. “She’s my wife and she protects me and right now I need to be protected from you.” I turned and walked out. No clue what else was said and I didn’t care. I had to get the fuck out of here and all I wanted was to curl up with my mommy and put this day behind me.

Mommy didn’t question me on the way home or make me talk. She let me be with my thoughts. When we stepped inside the club, she told Abby she was taking the rest of the day off. As soon as we were inside our home I lost it. Full on meltdown. Mommy held me while I cried and let me work through what I had to while her arms stayed firmly in place.

---