Page 15 of Pity the Living, Not the Dead

“Liam,” he began, “I’m referring you to Dr. Sutton, he’s an oncologist. I have already spoken with him. The ultrasound uncovered a large mass in your abdomen on the left side. This isn’t usually a diagnosis shared over the phone, but I feel time is of the essence in this situation. At my request, Dr. Sutton has scheduled an MRI for tomorrow at eight a.m. for you. I’ve forwarded your medical records to his office, and he’s assured me he’ll be reviewing them tonight. He’d like to meet with you after your MRI is complete, so please plan accordingly. He’s in the same building as the lab you’ve been referred to. Do you have a pen and paper so I can give you the address?”

With shaky hands, I wrote it down as legibly as I could, repeating it in case I missed anything, given my current state of mind. Immediately after, I called Olivia and lost every last shred of dignity I had as I burst into tears, trying to get the words out. I could hear her sobbing on the other end, pleading with me to tell our family. I told her I had my reasons for not doing so right now, but would when I received the final results. She once again told me she’d be here to pick me up and go with me.

I texted Elijah to call me when he woke. There was no way I was typing all of this into a message and sharing it with him electronically. This was far too personal. With everything the doctor said, any distrust or disbelief I may have had with regard to Elijah vanished. He spoke the truth when he said something was wrong with me. Knowing he had done so, about something that impacted us both as heavily as this did, had me trusting in him above all else.

I sat in front of my bedroom window, watching the sun set over Puget Sound. It was something I loved to do and now felt I had taken for granted. This was one of my favorite times of the day, watching as the bright yellow sun ran through a kaleidoscope of colors before disappearing into the darkness. Now that the ability to do so was coming to an end, I made a vow to do it every night until I could no longer. Not a minute after the darkness settled in, my phone rang.

“Elijah,” I whimpered.

“I’m on my way,” was all he said before the call disconnected. I knew he’d arrive in a matter of minutes. As I walked through the silent house, I looked around, recording everything to memory, knowing that, one way or another, my time here was coming to an end. For so long I had wanted nothing more than to get out of this house, out from under my family, and now…now that it was coming to an end, the melancholy and despair left me reeling. Whatever decision I made, my life as I knew it would no longer be, and far too soon, I’d be leaving my family behind. Not to move out into the great big world, but to become one with the night.

Elijah beat me to the sawmill, and as soon as I saw him, I lost it. When his arms wrapped around me, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. Once I’d calmed, he helped me into the passenger seat of his car. I filled him in on everything during the drive to his house.

“Elijah,” I said, once I was curled up in his arms on the couch, “I want to be with you, so if you turn me, will the illness go away?”

“Yes, my love, it will. But at a price. You run the risk of losing your family.”

“How so?”

“The change doesn’t bode well for everyone. Some, when they’re turned, go dark, turning to a life of crime and violence, and can’t be trusted around humans. I like to think that won’t happen to you. Your soul is pure, your thoughts bright. Unfortunately, we won’t know the full extent of what we’ll face until after the change is complete. We will need to train you, get you used to being around humans without succumbing to the overwhelming urge to drain them. That would be a horrific tragedy to overcome. One I don’t want you to face.”

His weighted words packed one hell of a punch. Had my family always been a thorn in my side? Yes, all but Olivia. But in the end, they were still my family. If whatever the doctors found was terminal, I’d lose them anyway, along with my life and Elijah. Olivia would understand, we could still be close even if I was a vampire. And if Elijah changed me, I could watch from nearby and keep them safe for generations to come.

All this time, I thought that was what I wanted — to be released from the clutches they had on me. Now that the possibility presented itself, I didn’t know how I felt. To think, only a couple weeks ago the biggest hurdles I faced were working for them and hiding the fact that I was gay. Now it had become so much more. And what if Olivia didn’t understand and wanted nothing to do with me? That would absolutely gut me.

I’d felt like shit most of my life, figuring it was the card I’d been dealt. Never did I see it reaching this grim end, and at such a young age. Maybe I should’ve, but that wasn’t something anyone wanted to imagine, let alone face.

My heart was breaking not only for Liam but also, selfishly, for myself. I knew what the doctor would be telling him tomorrow without needing to see the MRI results firsthand. It was cancer, and an aggressive, terminal one at that. I had felt it before, more times than I could count, when drinking from those faced with the same evil breeding inside them. There would be no cure for this, no way for Liam to come back from it and rid his body of the intrusive demon. I would change him now if he would let me, but it was important he come to terms with it and face his family head-on beforehand. The decision was his and his alone to make, and if he didn’t set things right with his family while he could, he would only come to regret it later.

“I know, based upon your reaction and the fact that my doctor is fast-tracking this, that it’s serious and most likely cancer,” Liam admitted.

I nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.

“If the doctor confirms that, I want you to change me.” Liam said the words I had hoped to hear.

I needed to keep a level head even though I was elated with his decision. “What about your family?” I had to ask him. He needed to understand he would not be able to see them for some time, if ever. When some are changed, they literally take on a whole new persona and lose every shred of their humanity. Calm, timid, and sweet when human didn’t always translate across the dimensions.

“How long will it be before I could see them again?”

“You ask wise questions, my love. After the bloodlust subsides, you should be able to. Say, a couple months, give or take? I’d imagine it’s different for every young vampire.” I answered as honestly as I could, not wanting to go into the details of those that were killed upon transition. The maddening pain endured as one’s body dies causes some to go insane. I had seen others changed since I had been, but I had never been the one spearheading the change. Liam would be my first and only, and I needed to do everything right to ensure a positive outcome.

He turned in my arms, deep thought lines marring his beautiful, freckled face. I reached out, tracing them. “What if we told them you were taking me to, I don’t know, Switzerland? To undergo groundbreaking treatment that has yet to be approved in the United States?”

I smiled. “Liam, your brilliance truly knows no boundaries. Every time you open that pretty mouth of yours, I’m enthralled.” I pressed my lips to his. “We could do that. But remember the challenges I face regarding daylight, feeding, and being able to mask the true nature of the beast I am. These will be the same hurdles you will endure. It will take time and training, but I have no doubt these are things you’ll quickly conquer.” I spoke with far more confidence than I felt. Only time would tell how Liam would react and overcome what lay ahead for him associated with this new life.

“Okay, there’s at least a slight bright side to all of this,” he whispered, laying his head on my chest. Time was of the essence here. I didn’t want to tell him that, but it was the reason I wasn’t feeding from him again. As I learned in the past, blood loss would only speed up the tumor’s growth, causing further trauma to the vital organs the tumor attacked. Well, not in all cases, but in many, and I was not risking that with Liam. He had choices to make, closure to be had, and I needed to allow him as much time as possible to do so.

“You can still talk to them, maybe give them updates regarding the treatments and whatnot. Tell them that, due to your immune system being weakened, you are not allowed any visitors. Assure them you will be able to visit when the doctors have cleared you to travel. That should buy some time until you’re physically capable of being around them.”

“Will you go with me when I tell them?”

“Of course, my love. Anything for you,” I replied, an honest answer that took no thought to give.

“I’d like to tell Olivia what’s going on. Except for that whole evil dead thing.” He laughed. I loved hearing his laughter, even if it was brief and meant to mask the pain.

“So now I’m the evil dead, huh?” I teased.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. Just trying to make light of a really shitty situation.” His reply was laced with the sadness I knew he held, no matter how strong of a front he exuded.

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