Page 33 of Forgive Me Father: For I Have Sinned

WE SPENT TWO DAYSwith his parents, and I’m so glad I didn’t talk myself out of going on that trip. They welcomed me as though I were one of their own and the love they had for their son shone through in every story they regaled me with. His mother surprised me when we left, throwing her arms around me and told me, “Now you have a family who loves you too. Next time bring your sister so we can adopt her into the family.” Adopting me into their family and including my sister as well, giving us a new familya real family, left me reeling. I desperately wanted to tell her how much her words meant to me. Words that were spoken loudly throughout our visit by their actions.

As if reading my thoughts again, Butch knew I needed his arms around me, grounding me. My emotions were on fire as the happy tears flowed. I promised on the next trip out we’d bring Liv. His mom immediately said she’d make up the hide-a-bed in the couch for her.

In the natural progression of our relationship, I moved into Butch’s place a couple months later. It was time I let Daniel and Marcus get back to their life. I’d imposed long enough, and luckily Butch’s condo was only a few blocks away. I’d been to it many times, sleeping over on our days off. It was a work in progress, but he got a great deal on it which was becoming increasingly more difficult to find in the city.

The kitchen was the first area he’d renovated because he loved to cook, which was lucky for us since I could literally burn water. Usually, because I’d forgot I was boiling it in the first place, and by the time I’d remember it had dissipated and the pot was a scorched mess. We’d decided early on to the leave the cooking to him and the cleaning to me.

Up until that point, we’d still not engaged in actual penetrative sex. I wasn’t sure if it was me or Butch or a combo of the two holding us back, but on our first night officially living together, I’d decided it was the right time.

After showering separately, we both crawled into bed in our boxersclearly unsure what the protocol was for what we slept in. Which, I found to be pretty damn funny considering the numerous times we’d shared his bed. When I turned off the light, we automatically turned to face one another. Our lips met in a familiar peck which rapidly escalated, igniting a need like no other. This man had been more than patient and never mistreated or disrespected me in any way. It was time to let him in.

“Butch,” I panted between kisses, “make love to me, please.”

“Baby, are you sure? I’m perfectly fine with the way things are. Some couples never have anal sex. You don’t have to do this.”

“I’m sure. I need this for me just as much as for you,” I assured him. And it was the truth. I needed to put it behind me. Butch wouldn’t hurt me, ever. I knew it in my heart, but if I didn’t push myself through the issue, then I’d just keep making up excuses as to why I wasn’t allowing it. With every passing session, I was beginning to sound more and more like my therapist, but she was right. I’d been seeing her since I accepted the dancing job from Daniel. That weekend I’d realized I was the only one standing in my way and needed help from an unbiased third party to learn that it was okay to allow people in and that I was loveable.

Butch got tested after our first time doing anything sexual at his parent’s house. I’d been tested at the hospital after the sexual assault and hadn’t been with anyone since. So I knew we were both okay to go without condoms, which would be a first for me and from what he said the same was true for him. After we shed our boxers and crawled back in bed, we resumed kissing. I think he felt my nerves and knew this would help ease them.

“Jamie,” Butch said, rolling me onto my back. “If you say stop- we stop. This is for you too. If you don’t find pleasure in it than neither do I,” he finished, sucking my bottom lip out from the clutches of my teeth.

He took his time, moving almost painfully slow, tracing every sinewy line of my abdomen. His touch, whether with his tongue or hands was electric. Radiating through me in shock waves. Never had another taken this much time getting to know my body.

“You’re perfect,” he mumbled, blowing on the damp nipple he’d just released. The coolness heightening my arousal as the peak hardened in response. He hadn’t even reached my dick, and I was already near bursting.

“No, I’m not,” I managed. “I’m scrawny.” But I didn’t dare open my eyes for fear of the look I was receiving in response.

“Jamie, look at me,” he commanded. “You’re perfect to me,” he said as our eyes met. Mine filled with tears, but I held them back as it was not the time to let them flow.

As his tongue traced the indents of my abs, he’d pause from time to time. “All the hours you spend dancing, practicing. You aren’t skinny, you have the sleek build of a dancer. I could literally spend hours watching you.”

I giggled as his tongue dove into my belly button, tickling me. “You do.” I couldn’t deny how captivated I was by his charm.He can break you. Not tonight demon, you aren’t taking this away from me.I mentally warded my internal battle of good versus evil away.

“Yes. To know that I’m the one you allow to share your bed with you is a badge I proudly wear with honor,” were the last words he said before taking my cock inside the warm confines of his mouth. He’d blown me before, but each time was still like the first for me. His sole focus was my pleasure. It was nice to be wanted, to be cared for. To be cherished…

When I shifted my hips, jutting upward, needing him to suck harder, faster as I chased my release, he allowed me to fall from his mouth knowing I was close. He continued his oral assault, taking each ball in turn before journeying lower. Somewhere no other had dared venture before. Swiping his tongue across the sensitive nerve endings of my entrance I jumped, in surprised response.

“You okay?” he asked, leaning back so he could see my face.

“No one’s, no one’s ever gone there before.” I didn’t want to word it wrong and risk ruining the moment.

“Good,” he said, resuming his mission. One of which I’m proud to report was successful. When it breached my entrance, I shot off in uncontrollable spurts, coming completely undone by nothing more than this man’s tongue.

“I love to watch you come,” he told me, licking away every, last, drop. That was one of the hottest acts I’d ever witnessed. When his mouth met mine, the salty taste didn’t deter me one bit, in fact, I found it to have the opposite effect.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his lubed finger circling my entrance, awaiting permission to enter. I was so caught up in the moment I’d not heard him open the tube let alone reach for it.

Nodding my approval, his finger probed, slowly pushing forward to the first knuckle before retreating and going back in.

“Relax baby, I won’t hurt you. I promise.” He kissed my abdomen before taking my half erect cock inside his mouth again. Instantly, my muscles relaxed, and his finger entered. I barely felt it when a second joined alongside the first, but when they slid across my prostate, my dick was wide awake.

“That’s it, baby. God this is so fucking hot. Watching you fuck yourself on my fingers. I’m ready to come without even being touched.” I hadn’t realized I was doing that, my body reacted of its own accord. Had it been anyone else but Butch, I’m sure I’d have been embarrassed by that remark. I was so lost in the pleasure there was no room left in my brain for second-guessing.

His third finger took a little more finagling to get inside, so he added more lube for which I was thankful. “Jamie, I need to be inside you. Please,” my strong soldier pleaded. There was no way I was denying this beautiful man his request.

“Yes, love. Please.” I kept my eyes closed, but my ears were tuned to the sound of the lube being generously applied to his cock. Even the gentle strokes he made while prepping weren’t lost to my senses.

When the head touched my rim, I clinched. “Babe,” he said, his hand cascading down my mid-section. “I need you to open your eyes. I have to see you’re still with me and not lost inside that pretty head of yours.” When I opened my eyes, I found his staring lovingly back at me. “You say stop, we stop. Understood?” When I didn’t answer, he again asked. “Tell me you understand, Jamie.”

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