Page 30 of Forgive Me Father: For I Have Sinned

Where did this man come from? Was this normal? My life had done a one-eighty since meeting Daniel and Marcusactually since meeting Detective Richardson at Harborview the first time. The only part I knew how to accept and deal with was the last attack, and that was really sad to think, let alone say. We headed to his parents without stopping again but made plans to visit Deception Pass the following day. I was looking forward to seeing the beach and having a picnic lunch there with my man. We’d invited his parents to come along, but they claimed to have already seen it and said we’d have more fun without carting their old asses around. It made me laugh, their expressions sounding so much like Butch’s.

When we pulled up outside of his parent’s house, they were both waiting on the front porch for us.Too late to run away now,I thought, but quickly squashed it as the smiling faces of his parents staring back at us drew me to them. They both hugged me in turn. I don’t remember my own parents ever embracing me. I was afraid upon initial contact, my body stiffened in response. I was thankful neither of them called me out on it, but I’d already assumed Butch had filled them in on my shit. Something I was working diligently to come to terms with but feared would be a lifelong challenge.

Butch laughed, bending over to pet the old chocolate lab doing everything he could to get his attention. “I see you boy, I missed you too, Duke.” He stood, but the dog stayed glued to his side. “Well mom, dad, this is Jamie that you just hugged. Jamie, these are my parents, Martha and Bill.”

His mom slapped his shoulder, laughing along with him. “Silly boy, we knew that.”

“Always the funny guy,” his father chided. “Come on in boys. You can put your stuff in your room.”

Your room…Where we would be sleeping never entered my mind, but from the looks of the small cabin style home, options would be limited.

“You boys can sleep in here.” His mom opened the door to the left of the living room, guiding us into a quaint room with an attached bath. I ran my fingers across the top of the vintage quilt sitting atop the bed, loving the patterns decorating each square.

“I made that quilt years ago when Patrick was a boy,” his mom said, drawing my attention. “Old thing has seen better days. I should give it to the dog and make a new one.”

“No!” I said, far louder than I’d meant. Butch and his mother stared at me. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, but it’s so beautiful and has so much life left in it.” The truth of the matter was I had nothing from my past, not that there was anything I would want from it. Had my childhood been different I’d like to think that personal, handmade items like that would proudly be passed down from generation to generation.

“I’ll let you boys get settled. Dinner will be at five, if you want to take a nap, go ahead you have plenty of time,” she said before leaving the room.

Once the door was shut, Butch sat on the bed, pulling me between his legs. “Are you all right Jamie? I know this is a lot to take in and if you want me to sleep on the floor.”

I cut him off. “No, you won’t, but I am surprised your parents are fine with us sleeping in the same room together,” I told him, tracing the outline of the starched collar on his button-up shirt.

“My parents are very progressive, I told you the story of my coming out. My mother didn’t even bat an eyelash. Besides, they really seem to like you.”

“They don’t even know me,” I whispered, staring down at my hands.

“They know enough,” he said, pulling my hands together in his. “I didn’t divulge any private things between us, just shared a bit of your past with them.”

“Oh?”

“I hope that was all right, it’s your story to tell not mine, but I needed them to understand where you were coming from.” He trailed off.

“In case I snapped like I just did about the quilt?” I finished for him.

“Um, yeah. Care to explain what that was about,” he pulled me down to sit on his lap.

“It’s just…ugh…” I covered my face with my hands, but he pulled them away. “Okay, I have nothing from my past but shitty memories. This quilt,” I pointed to it, as though he didn’t know what I was talking about, “was made by her hands. Each square, every stitch. The hours spent making it. It just feels like something this personal should be passed down through the family and not used for a dog blanket.”

“Babe,” he smiled, “that’s great, but she can make another one.”

“Ugh, I’m an idiot.”

“No, you’re not. You have a big heart that’s waited a long time to be filled with the love of family, and it will, I can promise you that.” He kissed me. “Now, do you want to take a nap? I know it’s been a long day for you.”

My throat still hurt, and I knew from past experience, it would for another few days. Except I didn’t want to waste the day sleeping. “I’d really like it if you’d show me around. Today is too perfect to ruin it by staying indoors.”

“You got it. Up,” he patted my hips to get me off his lap. “Let’s head out. Mind if old Duke comes with us?”

“Not at all. I always wanted a dog.” Which was the truth and I was actually really excited to play with him.

“Mom, Dad?” Butch hollered across the living room.

“In the kitchen, son,” his dad answered.

“Hold on, I’ll be right back,” he told me, returning moments later and tossing an apple at me before taking a huge bite out of his own. “Let’s go,” he said through an apple-filled mouth. “Come on, Duke,” he patted his hip, Duke immediately followed him.

I bent to scratch behind his ears, and he licked my face, and I giggled. After wiping the slobber off on my sleeve, we had to jog to catch up with Butch who was easily a hundred feet ahead of us, off on an exploring expedition.

---