Page 20 of Forgive Me Father: For I Have Sinned

Their words hit me in the heart. I knew right then, and there I’d do all I could to never let them down, be there when they needed me, however, they needed me to be. Choking back a sob, I whispered. “Thank you.”

“And the pole is only being put in for dancing, not stripping, but we will leave the dress code up to you. Just don’t give away the farm,” Marcus winked at me, and I laughed.

There was a knock before Sierra appeared. “Hey Jamie, you forgot your tips.” She handed me the pitcher before leaving.

“Well,” Marcus said. “count it.”

When I was done, I released the breath I’d evidently been holding as I counted, then counted it again, not believing what was there. “Two hundred thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents.”

“Who in the hell put change in there?” Marcus said before cracking up. “People are strange.”

“That’s my weekly salary,” I told them before I thought it through. “Oh my God, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m so sorry, please forgive me,” I pleaded, feeling like a selfish prick for saying that to them.

“Whoa, down boy. We’re not offended by that. So, what do you think?” Daniel asked me.

“I say yes!” I all but yelled.

They enclosed me in a group hug, and I’d never felt more loved in my life. “Let’s start with Friday and Saturday nights, I think you’ll make the best tips then. If there’s anything, in particular, you want the DJ to play, then let him know. Otherwise, you run your own show. You can keep your other shifts if you want but if it becomes too much let me know and we’ll get a new busser.”

“All right,” Marcus clapped his hands together. “Let’s get some fliers done up to hand out to our regulars. I’ll make a couple calls and get the pole installed. Jamie, I think you and Sierra have some clothes shopping to do.”

I was as giddy as a kid on Christmas morning. Just like that the tides once again changed for me purely by accident and at the hands of those two wonderful men that I was lucky enough to call my friends. No longer invisible, the weighted cloak I’d been forced to wear my entire life had been removed from my shoulders. For the first time, I could breathe.

With the excitement surging through my veins, multiple times throughout my shift the next night Sierra pointed out that I was dancing from table to table while cleaning them. I couldn’t contain my excitement, the smile plastered on my face said it all. The bosses already had posters up in the front windows, and a couple of regulars told me how great it was going to be and that I was breathing new life into that old place.

Sierra and I went shopping on Sunday, and the first thing I bought was a portable cassette player and a couple tapes of my favorite artists. The pole was going in on Wednesday, and I’d already promised myself I’d spend as much time as possible practicing on it. Every night this week I fell asleep watching music videos on cable TV. I’d worn myself out mimicking the dancers for endless hours, but I was bound and determined not to make a fool out of myself. This was too damn important and the best form of therapy I could ask for. When I was on stage, the world around me disappeared, and I lost myself to the music.

We determined I’d start my new career the following Saturday night at nine p.m. It appeared the entire town came out to see me dance because there wasn’t an empty seat in the house. Heels, spandex, my favorite lace cami were all present whenJourney’s Don’t Stop Believingstruck its first chord. I crooked my leg around the pole, completing my first turn around it with ease. Applause filled the air, goading me on as I finished the routine I’d choreographed during the week.

At the end of the song DJ Jazz announced. “Welcome everyone and thanks for coming out to show your support for Jamie’s first night asThe Nook’slive entertainment!” The crowd cheered, and I blushed. “All right, well I know none of you came to see me, so I’ll let this gorgeous man dazzle you with his killer moves!”

The overhead lights reflected off the sequins on my top creating colorful prisms on the dark interior walls, adding to the ambiance. My head was in a bubble, I couldn’t believe I was getting paid to do something I loved. After a few songs, I went upstairs to use the restroom and check my eyeliner. The previous weekend I looked like a drowned rat by the time I got upstairs, which led me to purchase waterproof make-up that week. Hopefully, it held up.

When I got back inside the club the size of the crowd had doubled, I glanced over at Daniel who was working the bar. He smiled wide and shrugged, Marcus wrapped his arm around Daniel’s waist and blew me a kiss. The playful ways those two communicated had me longing for the same thing.Someday…

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