Page 44 of In the Shadows

“True.” I picked up my phone, texting Derek to let him know I’d be ready to go when they got here. “Have you seen the extent of his physical injuries?” I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know, but maybe if I could figure out a way to help him by knowing.Ugh, who knows?My thoughts were all over the damn place. Filled with a sense of helplessness which didn’t sit well with me. I was a fixer by nature and being unable to fix Joey was eating me alive.

“By the time I got here, they already had him cleaned up and in a room. Each time they come in to move and clean him I step out, kinda feels like I’m crossing some sort of privacy line by staying in here,” he said, shyly.

I understood that but needed to know what I could do to help. Deciding to table that until after my return, I wondered how Joe was able to take time off to be here. It really wasn’t my place to ask, but I knew things were always tight when we were growing up. “How are things at the shop?”

“Pretty good. I bought the place from old man Hopkins when he decided to retire last year. I take it by that look on your face Joey hadn’t told you.”

“Nah, must have slipped his mind. But congrats, that’s pretty sweet. Business still good?”

“Yeah, got a couple of good guys working for me who are holding the fort down while I’m here.”

“How are Maggie and Brad?”

“Doing well, she’s checking on the house for me. You guys made a hell of an impression on her kid,” he laughed, “glad he had you guys to talk to, looked like he was about to explode when we walked in on New Year’s.”

“Not an easy declaration for anyone to make,” I told him. “I think he just needed others who understood to be around him when he told his mom. But I’m glad we could help.”

“He’s been pretty worried about you guys.”

I looked back over at Joey, feeling like something heavy was sitting on my chest. “He’s not the only one.”

We sat in silence for quite some time before the guys came in. The nurse scolded us yesterday for having so many people in the room at one time, but when she realized it was a lost cause to try and scoot any of us out she finally threw her hands up in the air and left.

The room was silent when I answered the question that was hanging in the air. “No change.”

No one said a word, they didn’t need to. Diamond handed me a bag with the notepads and pens I’d asked for in it. I stuffed it in my duffle bag before standing and kissing Joey, letting him know I’d be back tomorrow night. With a wave to Joe, I left my heart in the room with Joey to keep watch over him until I returned.

Out front, I was surprised to see the crowd gathered with the snow falling. The hushed voices murmured as we got inside the limo. I was grateful they respected our privacy and thankful for their loyalty. The ride to the airport was spent in silence with Diamond to my right, and Mickey to my left, flanked by their friendship and the warmth radiating through me from it. Blanketing me, filling the gaping hole in my chest.

I was surprised, although I shouldn’t have been, that the guys from Maiden were attending the funeral as well. They’d only met Rob a couple of times, but their friendship truly knew no boundaries as they’d proven time and again. They’d become an extended part of our musical family and right now we needed all the support we could get.

The car dropped us off at the private jet terminal and as soon as I tucked into the leather recliner I’d chosen as my seat on the plane, I was out and slept for the duration of the three-hour flight from Boston to Jacksonville, waking when the wheels of the plane touched down.

We were ferried to the waiting limo parked alongside the runway and driven straight to the hotel. I was on autopilot. My every waking thought was of Joey lying motionless in that hospital bed so far away from me.

Easton met us at the hotel, handing us each a room key as we came in, but I opted to share a room with Mickey and Diamond. Being alone wasn’t something I wanted at this point, I needed the camaraderie of my brothers. I had no idea who made our travel arrangements, but I could only assume it was Sal or Easton and I was extremely thankful to them. Thankful for once that decisions were being made for me instead of the other way around. I wasn’t sure I could manage anything more than tying my shoes at that point.

We ordered room service and kept to ourselves for the rest of the night. Not much was said between the three of us as the events of the past week still held strong in our minds. Once the lights were off and we were down for the night, I tossed and turned begging my phone to light up with something – anything positive from Joe, but received nothing. With each passing day presenting no changes in Joey’s recovery, I knew things grew grimmer.

After meeting Derek and crew for breakfast, we shuttled over to the funeral home by way of a van they’d rented. None of us had met Rob’s family, we only knew he’d never married or had children, but we were sure word had gotten back to them that we’d be attending the services since collectively as a band, we’d paid for the funeral and burial.

The mood inside the little chapel at the funeral home was somber, quiet. I wasn’t sure what I expected having never attended a funeral before, but was instantly filled with an overwhelming sadness as I entered. We signed the open book sitting atop the table at the set of open French doors, when I looked up the aisle leading inside it ended with the casket holding Rob’s body. The shock I felt at seeing that set me on edge and I froze.

A hand found its way to the small of my back and I flinched knowing it wasn’t Joey’s hand.

“Hey, man, it’s gonna be okay,” Diamond said, attempting to soothe my nerves.

I knew he meant well, but with everything going on I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin, this was almost like an out of body experience for me. I was hovering above my body staring down at myself.

“Come on, let’s go pay our respects.” He nudged me, gently, trying to move me in a forward motion.

My palms were sweaty, my breathing was erratic, and my legs were shaking. If I didn’t get my raging emotions under control I’d surely launch into a full-blown panic attack.

What if that was Joey’s body inside the casket?

I can’t think that way. I have to stop this.“I’ve gotta go!” I announced as my feet moved faster than I thought possible. I shot out the front door, running to the side of the building between the bushes in the rose garden and doubled over, releasing everything I’d eaten that morning over their bricked pathway. “Fuck,” I muttered as a stray hand began gently rubbing circles between my shoulder blades. The tears streaming down my face only exacerbated my inability to breathe.

“Come on, let’s sit on the bench,” Diamond voiced as Mickey handed me some tissues.

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