Page 19 of In the Shadows

Once we were back in bed and he was curled up in my arms, I found my mind was racing a mile a minute. I doubted I’d be able to sleep. Joey’s fingertips, gently traced circles in my chest hair.

“When did you first realize you were gay?” he asked me.

“When I was twelve,” I answered, honestly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to risk losing our friendship.”

His fingers stopped. “How would that have happened?”

“Telling you I was in love with you when we woke curled up together on my mom’s couch? That had bad written all over it. What if you didn’t feel the same way? Would you still have wanted to be my friend?” I asked him.

“When was this?” Before I answered, I saw the realization cross his face and he answered the question for himself, “The last time we spent the night watching movies together. OurStar Warsmarathon. I remember…” he trailed off.

Waking with a raging boner after falling asleep on my best friend was a recipe for disaster for any twelve year old. I ran to the bathroom so fast that morning that I swear I broke the sound barrier. I’m surprised as hell he didn’t feel it poking into his hip. I knew hindsight was always twenty-twenty, but I often wondered would could have been if I’d only have been honest with him back then.Could we have had all this time together as lovers? Been each other’s firsts? If only…

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