Page 48 of In the Shadows

Trapped alone inside an empty shell

Staring up at Joey’s sleeping face, a light sheen of peach fuzz coated his bald head.He’s gonna be pissed when he wakes and find out they shaved his head,I laughed to myself. Joey loved his hair, it was almost like a security blanket to him. He’d twist it around his fingers when he was tired, nervous or sad. His hair was to him what my dad’s dog tags were to me.

Curled up with my feet beneath me, my brain finally shut down I succumb to the darkness as much needed sleep pulled me under.

Joey…he was screaming again, a pain-filled, blood-curdling scream, but I couldn’t move. He yelled my name, Stoli! Hold on, baby, I’m coming I hollered back. I just have to…ugh…what’s on me? Get the fuck off, let me go! I screamed louder. Pushing at the hands pulling at me. Why are they grabbing me? Was I dead? Dying? No! Let me go, Joey needs me. Joey! Sunlight shone through, or was it a flashlight? Joey needs me, let me go I yelled. The man looked back at me. Calm down, they’re getting him. You’re in no state to move. You need medical attention. He told the guy beside him to grab the gurney. Wait, what? I yelled for Joey again. I could feel someone shaking me.

Joey!

“Ricky?” I jumped, falling flat on my face. My feet were still balled up under me and had fallen asleep.

“Fuck!” I yelled, massaging my legs to try and get the blood circulating back through them.

“Ricky, are you okay?” Joe asked me.

“Aside from bruising my ass and my pride, yeah.”

“You were screaming for Joey.”

Fuck…I’d hoped that had only been in my head.

“I did?” I tried to play it off.

“Yeah you did. You were thrashing around in that chair, when I tried to wake you up you swung at me.”

“Oh shit, Joe, I’m so sorry.” I stood, extremely unsteadily and grabbed the side table to brace myself.

“Nightmare?”

“You could say that. Each time I get a new piece of the hellish puzzle. I think it’s flashbacks from the night of the accident. I can hear Joey’s screams, but I can’t get to him,” I recalled the images, and shivered. To know I couldn’t help him when he needed me most was eating me fucking alive.

“Jesus, I can’t even imagine. I don’t want to imagine,” Joe told me, taking his seat in the other recliner.

“Yeah, you and me both.” I grabbed my bag and headed into the restroom for quick shower and change of clothes. I was gonna need to do laundry at some point and hoped the guys would be willing to get it done for me.

A quick wash and rinse was all I could manage one handed, but I did my best. The next three days dragged on with no change in Joey. I worked on the song, but needed a break. I’d barely left the room and felt the urge to go for a walk.

“Joe,” I said, setting my notebook down, “I’m gonna take a walk.”

“Some fresh air will do you good, son.”

I grabbed my jacket and headed out into the cool, morning air. My hair was short, well longer than normal, but still short and wet so I pulled the beanie out of my coat pocket and slid it on and began wandering around the area surrounding the hospital. I’d hoped with the way I was dressed and the fact that I hadn’t shaved since the funeral that I wouldn’t be recognized, and it seemed luck was on my side.

Along the way, I passed a Starbucks and ventured inside to order my liquid drug of choice. When they asked for my name I told them Rick in the hopes of holding onto the anonymity I was currently enjoying. With my vise in hand, I ventured back out into the cold as fuck air. God how I missed home.

I pulled out my phone, calling my lifeline.

“Ricky, honey, how are you?” my mom answered, filling me with more warmth than my five dollar cup of coffee ever could.

“Ugh, Mom. I don’t know how I haven’t lost it yet.” I kicked a rock on the sidewalk, watching it roll into a snowbank.

“Do you need me to fly back? You know I’ll be on the next plane out of SeaTac.” I knew she would do that, but it would be senseless.

“Nah, but thanks for offering. There isn’t anything you can do here. They’re starting to wean him off the coma meds this afternoon.” I could hear Brandon in the background telling her he wanted to talk. He had no idea who was on the phone, but the little man loved to talk on it.

“Brandon wants to say hi,” I heard her tell him it was me on the phone and he started yelling my name.

“Ricky!” he screamed so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

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