Page 60 of Behind the Lights

“Your life doesn’t suck. Open your fucking eyes and see what’s right in front of you,” Diamond pointed out once again before following Stoli.

Mickey shook his head as he walked away. Leaving me to my dark thoughts.

We made it to the last week of our tour and going home was bittersweet for me. While I needed the feeling of warmth I felt from being home, everything there reminded me of Lucas and the lies I believed which would only make this dark hole I was sinking into consume me even further.

After the show tonight, our last show on the tour, the guys from Maiden cornered me telling me I was coming to the after party in their suite. I tried to decline, but Derek threatened to send his security guards to find me and he said their retrieval methods would not be user friendly. Not sure what he meant by that, but I figured it was best to avoid the behemoth brigade’s wrath.

The four of us entered together and as usual walked into an already packed house. When Derek saw us, he, Ryder, Shadow, and Jaxson – the members of Maiden, took to the makeshift stage set up in the middle of the room. With mic in hand, Derek addressed the crowd:

“All right, all right. Calm down you free loading fuckers!”

Laughter ensued, but the crowd quieted.

“Tonight, we’re here to celebrate the end of another successful road trip. We’d like to thank the guys from Double Duty and Social Sinners for joining us!” He raised his hands and started clapping and the crowd joined in.

“Okay, enough said. Time to party!” The DJ, which I hadn’t even noticed was here because he was tucked away in a corner of the room kicked it off with Maiden’s platinum record song,Down and Dirtybefore food and drink trays started making their way around the room.

“Come on,” Mickey said, “let’s get some food in your gut before Jack finds you.” He tugged me toward the massive buffet set up along the wall of windows overlooking the lights that illuminated the greater Los Angeles area.

Stoli was still ignoring me, I spotted him in the corner of the room chatting it up with a couple of guys I wasn’t familiar with. Something inside me snapped, I don’t know why, but the anger I’d held back for the last couple of hours consumed me. After I filled my plate full, I grabbed a bottle of my new best friend and headed toward the cocaine estate that flanked the dining table.

I sat and drank, and watched the scene unfolding in front of me. I’d never done drugs before, well nothing other than smoking pot from time to time. But after watching each of them tackle the snowy mountain, I was drunk enough to decide to try it for myself. To the cheers of those surrounding me, I hit it expecting it to burn as it went down but much to my surprise it didn’t. I took a second hit, sat back and gazed around the room taking in the faces I hadn’t noticed before. Not sure if it was the coke or Jack, but I was riled up enough to find my way out onto the center of the dance floor. It was a tight area, heated bodies grinding against heated bodies and I was already hard as hell.

I felt one hand slide down the back of my leather pants and another down the front gripping the erection straining against my zipper. Not sure how I didn’t blow my load on impact considering it had been months since anyone other than myself had touched my dick, but I managed to hold back without even trying. Maybe it was the blow I’d done that held it at bay, but whatever it was I was thankful for it. This was the most foreplay I’d had in my life and it was fucking awesome.

Next thing I knew I was sitting on the couch with a head of blond hair bobbing up and down on my lap, but I couldn’t feel what it was doing as I’d long since lost all feeling in my extremities. Including my dick.

Another twink was sitting beside me with pills in his hand asking, “Red or blue?”

“Red or blue? What am I, fucking Neo?” I really didn’t give a fuck which pill or how many pills they gave me. I was numb, which was the goal I was hoping to achieve.

Not sure which one he gave me, but after that, everything was a blur until Stoli yanked the one off my lap, tearing me out of the comfortable haze I was in. He gripped the front of my shirt and dragged me out into the hall and then slammed me up against the wall and slapped me hard across the face.

“What the fuck man!” I yelled at him.

“Are you trying to fucking kill yourself?” he screamed, security stared in our direction, but at Derek’s request they turned back around and he went back inside the suite.

“Maybe, what the fuck do you care?” I slurred, trying to argue, but found my tongue wasn’t cooperating.

“Do you even know what they gave you in there? We don’t do drugs, remember the promise we made to each other when we were kids? Or have you forgottenuscompletely?” His face was red, in my drug induced haze I thought I saw steam shooting out of his ears.

“Nope and I don’t care.”

“I will not sit by and watch you kill my best friend. No way, no how, not on my watch.” Without letting go of my shirt, he dragged me across the hall and slid the keycard into the lock on the room Maiden gave us for the night. Once inside, he turned on the shower and stripped my clothes off. I stayed propped up against the entry way wall, it was the only thing still holding me up as my legs gave that job up some time ago.

When we were both naked, he shoved me into the shower and held me under the water, running his fingers through my matted hair. He applied shampoo, massaging my scalp during which I passed in and out of consciousness thinkingwashing my skin will never wash away my sins.

I barely remember him drying me off and putting me to bed, but I do remember him curling my naked body up with his, kissing my forehead and whispering, “You dumbass, why can’t you see what’s right in front of you,” before I succumb to the darkness.

The next morning, I woke in a blurred frenzy. My head was pounding so loudly I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. My tongue was swollen and when I tried to get out of bed to make a run for the bathroom, I tripped over our duffle bags and puked all over them and the floor.

“What the fuck, dude!” Mickey yelled, “You barfed on our shit.”

“Sorry,” I squealed as I ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet. I heard the guys arguing on the other side of the closed door.

“This has to stop now, Stoli, or I quit,” Mickey demanded.

“I’m handling it,” he told him.

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