Page 90 of Reaper Flame

I jabbed him with my sharp elbow. “Fuck you.”

“That’s the most you’ve said in two days,” he said. “Red’s right though. You need to sleep at some point. You can’t stay awake forever.”

“Try me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “I’ll be right here with you.”

“I can’t,” I snapped, trying to shuffle away from him, but he held on tight. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Maybe I can?” He traced swirling patterns up and down my arm. “Do you remember the story I told you about what happened when I was in high school?”

I stayed silent. During a boxing game, he’d almost killed another student when he lost control during a fight. He caused enough damage for the poor kid to be hospitalized for life, and it still haunted him.

“I used to get the worst nightmares,” West continued. “I’d wake up screaming. The months after it happened were the worst. Sometimes it’d get so bad I’d destroy an entire room in minutes. Me and Zander used to share a dorm then, and I made him tie me down before I slept. It worked… sometimes.”

There was a long pause before West started talking again, letting his story hang in the air. I understood better than anyone how it felt to be left with conflicting feelings.

He went on, “When I slept, all I could see was his face. The look of surprise in his eyes as he fell. When I hit him that final time, I knew it was bad. It’s like a piece of him disappeared when he hit the floor. I relived it over and over again, but there was nothing I could do to change it. No matter what scenario played out in my head, it didn’t change.”

“Do you still have them?” I whispered. “The nightmares?”

“Sometimes.”

“It was an accident.” I turned around to face him and saw the guilt etched into his face. “You didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“I know, but it still did,” he said, stroking my hair. “But what happened to Cupid is different. Hiram did this. He is the only one to blame.”

“But he died trying to help us.” The lump in my throat grew bigger, like I’d swallowed a golf ball whole. “He died because he tried to helpme.First, there was Crystal, and now…”

“Listen to me.” West grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “This is all on Hiram. All of it.Heis the one that did this, and he’s going to pay.”

“He didn’t deserve to die like that, West.” My voice was thick and heavy, but I refused to cry. “He was a good person! When Hiram first took me, Q was the only person who looked out for me. If he hadn’t helped us, then—”

“Cupid knew what he was getting himself into when he agreed to help,” West interrupted. “He’s been running from Hiram for a long time.”

“I know what Hiram does to people, West.” I shuddered. “I’ve watched him and seen people’s last moments. If I sleep, I’ll be taken back to his workshop. I don’t want to see him there. I…’

Just thinking about the workshop brought back its sterile, meaty smell. I knew every inch of that godforsaken room. I’d laid on the metal table, where Hiram liked to carve bodies like hunks of meat and stood on the sidelines. Faceless strangers screamed and begged for their lives while I watched on with indifference.

In the beginning, I tried to look away. That changed when Hiram tied me to a chair and forced me to watch. I never made the mistake of looking away again. Once he desensitized me to the gore, I helped. I passed him tools and instruments like a dental nurse, not thinking about how I was an accessory to murder. I was a teenager who was desperate to please because I knew it was better than the alternative.

Hiram would call our time together ‘lessons’. He trained me in every aspect of the business, from the best way to extract teeth to the most efficient way to dissolve bones. The workshop was Hiram’s happy place. He rejoiced in it and wanted me to get the same pleasure he did. For a time, I did, and that was the worst part of it all...

“You don’t understand the things I’ve done, West. I’ve done awful, terrible things.” I sniffed. “I’m scared that if I sleep and see Q in that place, all I’ll see is anger. If I get angry, I’ll lose myself again. I don’t want the darkness to take over.”

Hiram had once succeeded at inhibiting any ounce of humanity I had left. My life revolved around making him happy, and I’d do whatever it took to make him proud no matter what. He made me feel special to be chosen, and no other adult had made me feel like that before. Evergreen kids never got praise or affection. For a few years, I was a different person. I was the Kitten. Whenever I looked in the mirror, I saw myself in the image of what Hiram wanted me to be, and I’d do anything to live up to his hopes. I may know my mind, but evil still lives within me.

“I won’t let that happen,” West said, squeezing my shoulder in reassurance. “You have us now. We’re here to remind you who you are and help you find your way back if you get lost. But we need you to rest.”

“I don’t know if I can…”

West stroked the scar on my neck where my tattoo used to be.

“I know you can,” he said. “You’re safe here. Nothing is going to happen to you in my arms. We need you, Candy. All of us. We can’t do this without you.”

“I’m scared,” I confessed in a whisper. “I’m scared of what I’ll do when I feel, West.”

“I know, baby.” His homely smell enveloped my senses, and his warmth protected my shivering frame. “But you’re strong. You can face this.”

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