Page 83 of Thanatos' Craving

“She did, but I can’t help it.”

Mariah curled her lip. “Then help me understand. I know you are strong, Juni. From the moment I met you, I knew. Otherwise, you wouldn't have survived that strip club for four years and ended up being mated to a male with hardly any emotions other than coming off as an introverted asshole. Takes strong ovaries to take on such a male.”

I blew air through my nose and smiled.

“Plus, after I heard you tell him off when he told you he wanted your soul in the bathroom after you threw your guts up was phenomenal by the way,” she laughed. “Don’t think for a second you can’t handle anything.”

I shook my head, twirling my finger around Macaroni’s tail. “No, it’s just–you say the Fates had it planned out. I don’t see how that is possible. I was never meant to be here.” I gritted my teeth.

“I don’t understand.” Mariah wrinkled her brow.

Do I tell her?

“Yes, you tell her.” Mariah uncurled her legs from her seat and leaned closer. “That’s what family is for.”

I gasped.Family.

I let out a breath. “I haven’t told Thanatos yet. I don’t know why I’m making a big deal of it, I just—”

“Obviously it is important, otherwise you wouldn’t be holding onto it, Juni. Maybe you need someone to talk to about it.”

Ares emitted a low, menacing growl, his deep voice reverberating in the room. The towering structure crumbled andcrashed to the table. Uriel’s excited cheer pierced the chaos, filling the air with the sound of pure joy.

“We can go somewhere private if you prefer?” She tilted her head to the door.

I shook my head and shrugged. “No, it’s okay, um.” I enjoyed being in a room full of people. These people. They enjoyed being around me, and I enjoyed being around them.

If I told her, maybe I would feel better.

“My parents, they had me when they were fifteen. I was a m-mistake.”

Mariah frowned but stayed silent.

“They both came from traditional families. If you got pregnant, their parents expected you to get married, and stay together for the sake of the baby. My parents dropped out of school, had to get jobs to raise me.” I swallowed. “Long story short, there was a lot of fighting between them. They tried not to fight around me. But I could hear. They were good parents. I never went hungry, I was clothed, they took me to school.” I paused for a long time and listened to the stacking of the Jenga blocks.

“Years later, they got a divorce. I would jump between houses for a while. It was fine. They were happier apart. I got to spend time with them, and I thought things were getting better. Until they both met new people and got engaged and married.” My stomach plummeted, remembering how each parent wanted me less and less. How the other parent wanted to pawn me off on the other.

They both had new lives, new marriages. They didn’t want to remember what they had to deal with before they met their new spouse.

“And then they both wanted to start new families,” I whispered. “They wanted babies with people they really loved and cared for.”

I still remembered the day when my mom brought home my half-brother like it was yesterday. I was sitting on the floor with a few toys scattered around me. My grandmother left me on the floor and told me to stay, all for her to leave me and go into the kitchen and coo over the new baby. I didn’t listen and followed and poked my head into the kitchen to catch a glimpse. They were taking pictures, my mom, her new husband and the little one.

I remembered requesting to hold the baby, to be included in the family picture with them, and someone forcefully pushed me aside.

“They didn’t want me in family pictures. Neither family did. They didn’t want the reminder. They didn’t outright say it. They just came up with excuses.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I didn’t beg either. They would hand me the camera, and I would take the picture. I didn’t want to have to beg to be a part of something they never really wanted.”

Mariah’s eyes softened, tears gathered in the corners.

“I was a mistake.” My voice shook. "I was never meant to be here." My voice trembled. “I was never wanted. My parents never wanted me. At school I was awkward. I made up imaginary friends to talk to, which is why I talk to myself.” I raised my hand and slapped the arm of the couch.

Fluffy darted his head up to look at me with concern.

“I never broke that habit. It only got worse in high school. When I get nervous, I blurt out whatever I’m thinking. Kids are mean by the way,” I snorted. “Downright mean. I had to take a guy I used to work with at a fast-food restaurant from the opposite side of town to prom because I didn’t have time to think when I worked there.” I shook my head. “I should have never gone. He was the worst date ever.” I rolled my eyes.

Fluffy whined and pawed at my legs.

“Beastie, I’m fine.” I scratched behind his ears.