Page 87 of Hawke

Hawke left out those gruesome details, thank heavens. I had some terrible jealousy when I found out he was mated to another. I could feel steam rolling out my ears, but the soothing voice inside my head continued to calm me, telling me it was never meant to be. This was the path that led me to him.

Because every soul faced a choice. The princess made hers, and she was soon met with death.

The old man downstairs was more powerful than he let on. He was a warlock, a powerful one, and he was indebted to Hawke for some promise he made to Hawke’s father years ago.

Hawke brought me up to speed about his life, about the club, and Bram and then we’d stayed in this apartment getting to know each other all over again. It had become a safe place, and I didn’t have the urge to leave it anytime soon. Because Shane was lurking in the back of my mind, and tomorrow was the day he was to come into town.

“And during my rut, I have to either take a special concoction that Bones prescribes or stay in my room and take care of it. Before you there were other ways, but I won’t get into that.”

My mouth dropped open, and then I covered it with my hand.

Hawke had not spared me the gruesome details of what it meant to be a wolf shifter. And this whole rutting and heat thing was both interesting and terrifying at the same time.

“During this rut, you have to take care of what?” I wasn’t used to the terms, and there were a few times where I had to ask what they meant. This one looked more embarrassing to explain because Hawke blushed.

He reached behind his head, scratching it.

“A rut, kind of what male animals get into. The need to, ah, well, expel seed.”

“So, you’re horny. Like all the time?”

He swallowed. “Yes, very much. A hand can only do so much. It feels better when it’s, uh, ah, shit.” He rubbed his forehead, not able to look at me.

“I know you had a life before me, Hawke, and even though I’m jealous you were with other women, I understand.” The taste was bitter on my tongue as I said it but what was I to do? Hold the guilt over his head?

He sighed, his shoulders releasing the tension. “I never knotted them,” he quickly added. “My knot is only for my mate.” He reached over the bed and caressed my thigh.

Hawke’s touch on my skin, no matter where it was, heated me where it mattered most. Straight to my core, and I was grateful my period was almost over because I was ready for more of that intimacy.

Stupid irregular heavy flow.

“And knotted means, you force it into the–” and then I pointed between my legs.

He nodded, and his hand went up my thigh. “It is a special connection I did not want to share with anyone. You only knot your mate, and I’ve saved it for you.”

That was damn hot. Being completely stretched, but it was also very intimidating.

I let out a shaky breath. The voice inside me told me to relax. I still couldn’t believe he wanted me. I kept thinking this was a dream, and I would wake up at any moment and none of this would be real. Which was a genuine fear, because everything I’ve learned about the Iron Fang, another realm, shifters, warlocks, vampires, it was so overwhelmingly…fantastic.

And sometimes when he explained about the other realm, it seemed familiar. Flashes of a portal, tall blue-barked trees with deep red foliage, flittering bits of light raining down around us. It was like a long-lost dream as he explained it.

The past few days had been wonderful, getting to know him, understanding that the world was a far bigger place. But I hadn’t told him my secrets.

It had only come up once, and that was to ask who this Shane was. But I froze, too scared to tell Hawke about my deepest and darkest nightmare.

Once I told him, I feared he would look at me differently. I felt ashamed. I enjoyed leaving my life in the past. And I certainly didn’t want to receive pity from anyone for what happened to me.

I was private in that regard. I didn’t want to be a burden.

“Tell him,” she said. “He will understand.”

I nibbled on my lip.

A mate, he was mine now. Even if he hadn’t completed the bond yet, which he had yet to tell me about what that entailed, he was irrevocably mine.

He made it clear I was his. I mean, he followed me everywhere. There was no space between us even when I would go look out the window, shower, or simply rearrange the pillows on the bed–which he liked a lot. He purred constantly when he saw me rearranging things. His cock would stand at attention in his sweats, and his heated gaze bore into my skin when I fluffed a pillow.

If I had known fluffing pillows turned him on so much, then I would have done it a lot sooner.

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