Page 54 of Hawke

When walking out of the bathroom after that electrical wire switched on inside me, I fell in love with how it looked. The rumpled sheets, blankets, and pillows all spread out in a random pattern, but yet, they were all meticulously placed by him. Disturbing it seemed so wrong, so vile, but with the anger rising in me I couldn’t help but stomp over.

I hated myself for wanting to bury myself in it.

I hated that Hawke had left.

I hated being left alone once again.

But what I couldn’t stand most of all were these emotions erupting inside me, pouring out of crevices I’d hidden so deep.

Hawke had given me pleasure on this mattress, and immediately I could feel dampness weeping between my thighs. If I wasn’t careful, it would leak down my leg, and then I’d have to go take care of myself in those sheets that we’d desecrated.

Oh. My. God. Why the hell had he left?

“It’s for a good reason.”She whispered.

That stupid voice echoed in my head. I was starting to think I had schizophrenia, and I was blaming the disorder all on Hawke. He’d broken my head, and now my heart was a jumbled mess.

He’d left.

“But for a good reason, don’t give up on him, yet.”

My forgiving heart could only go so far, and the idea of kicking him in the nards again was sounding better and better. But what if I could get him back? That would be even better.

I picked up the vase of flowers, my anger rising higher by the minute. They were beautiful, romantic, lovely. They were the symbol of love and affection. I should be angry, not fawning over these flowers. So, with all my strength, I flung them to the far side of the room.

The faux crystal glass shattered against the wall in an instant. The tightly closed roses burst into a rain of petals, falling to the carpet.

He’d been here for a while, but I hadn’t seen him. He’d followed me, found me, and stayed with me. But then after the orgasm he gave me, he ran away again.

It felt so good to lose control and take out my anger on an inanimate object, so I continued. I took the giant mess of a bed and threw all the blankets and pillows to the floor. Cursing his name over and over in my head.

I had reached my breaking point, and there was no desire to keep it hidden any longer. Deep, dark fears surfaced, and I couldn’t stop the roaring rapids of emotions bubbling closer to the surface.

I’d been alone for so long, and then when I met Hawke, I knew I couldn’t fall for him. But my body and heart had betrayed me.

I felt like these feelings, this longing to be close to Hawke had grown tenfold since this morning. I ached to be with him, and I didn’t know why.

I had a mission when I came here. I was doing so well in the short time I was on my own. Then he had to mess it up.

With blankets and pillows on the floor and the room looking like an utter mess, I stomped to the bathroom and picked up all my toiletries and dirty clothes. I stuffed them hastily into my bag with no regard for organization.

If he wanted me, he could chase me.

As I rushed outside the bathroom door, I saw the two pairs of shoes sitting beside the mirror. He said he’d put GPS in those shoes. That’s why he knew where I was. And I was too emotional to hunt through the shoes to find the GPS, so barefoot it is.

I left the key in the door, my feet hitting the warm cement of the walkway leading to more rooms. I glanced back at the closed doorway next door, just waiting to see if Hawke would come from it, begging me to stay. But that was all false hope because he wasn’t here.

Shane’s confident voice sounded in my head,“No one wants a sour puss, Delilah.”

I adjusted the shoulder of my bag, climbing down the stairs with angry steps. My soft feet hit rocks and debris, but it didn’t compare to the emotions flooding through me.

I wasn’t thinking straight. I was in a panic, I knew this, yet I couldn’t control my actions. I wanted Hawke. I wanted to be angry, but I felt this over whelming feeling telling me to stay.

I felt like I was on drugs, my thoughts running through my head faster than I could comprehend.

As I stepped on the asphalt, ready to find the bus station, to leave this all behind and start over somewhere else, that stupid voice did it again.

“Stay.”

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