Page 16 of Hawke
Her expression was filled with intense hostility as she glared.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, my back hitting the wall. “I don’t know if she’s my mate or not, Journey. I care about her, but the life I live, what we all live, is complicated.”
What if she wasn’t my mate? What if I claimed her, and she died? What if I went rabid before then?
“I’m in more danger than most. I’m on the front line. Grim may be the tormentor, the punisher, the bringer of death, but I’m there first. I’ve always been that way, taking preventative actions before my brothers and sisters go into the fire. A life with me is not a happy one. What if I died?”
“But what if you live?” she asked.
My heart ached, and my head moved side to side in sorrow, unable to process my feelings. I didn’t need to talk to her about this, not to anyone.
“What if you live once you have her, Hawke? You’re breaking her heart by not being a part of her life. Isn’t that what a bond is about? Being together? Trusting it?”
Yeah, look where that got me. Made me a rogue, lost my pack, my family.
“I lost my trust in the bond a long time ago. No matter the status I have, no matter what I can offer, I’m not enough. I’m not enough to give her what she wants.”
“Then give her what she needs!” Journey shouted. “It isn’t about wanting; it’s about needing. You will die without her, and whether or not you think so, she will die without you. For humans, the bond thingy, it isn’t strong at first, but once you are connected, it’s…euphoric.”
I gripped the handle of my gun. Journey talked like she knew this bond, and she described it so perfectly, but Grim could have told her all that. That this was what she should be feeling, and she got sucked into his words.
“She will find another human, one that isn’t involved in this world.” I gritted my teeth.
Her eyes glistened with tears. “You know, you’re right.”
“I am?” I asked, pushing off against the wall.
“Yeah, let her go find someone else to take care of her. Love her, cherish her, kiss her. Have endless nights of passionate love with her, touch her in ways you’re too scared to.”
A growl of rage ripped from my throat as I punched the wall beside the door, the sound echoing through the room.
How dare she.
Did she not know how painful it was to lose a mate? To feel a bond break?
Your soul breaks into pieces, then tries to heal itself. And when it does, it tries to fix itself, but a soul is a delicate thing to fix. The pieces don’t fit back correctly; the parts don’t match up. Then your soul has missing parts, holes need to be filled and there is no way you will ever fill whole again because your bonded mate has ruined you for anyone else.
Your body rejected you, and your animal has now settled with the idea we will be alone—forever. There was nothing that could be done to save us now. Animals go crazy, mad with fear, panic, and rage that our soulmate, which was destined to be ours by the Moon Goddess’s pairing, rejected us.
They wanted someone else, not you.
Because you weren’t perfect enough. You weren’t strong, fast, handsome, or capable enough to take care of them. To put them in your nest, to have them scream in pleasure beneath you, to keep them safe from all forms of danger was not what they wanted from you.
No, instead they laid with another, bonded themselves to another animal while you were left to rot.
Your ex-mate would live on, connected to another soul. They wouldn’t feel the pain in their body every day from an incomplete bond.
Mine and everyone in the club’s souls were shattered. Broken because there was not another soul that could fix it unless a fucking miracle happened.
Journey snickered, not able to feel the emotions rushing through me like a torrent of wind and fire.
“I know you’re mates. The goddess needs one of you to believe in her. Do you think Delilah will pray to a big rock in the sky when humans have their own gods to worship? It’s time to eat crow, Hawke. The goddess is trying to make it right.”
Journey shut the door with a click.
I curled my fingers into a fist in my pocket, pulling out my phone, only for it to drop to the floor. I swore, banging my fist into the brick wall until cuts appeared. Blood dripped down my hand, and I lowered myself to retrieve the goddamn piece of shit phone.
I tapped it, revealing the screen and immediately went to the security system app Switch had installed. I fingered over the app, only to find my claws elongated. It scratched the screen and I let out a loud, “FUCK!”
