Page 25 of Sin

Stop it!I tell myself as I walk through Thurston’s campus. I can’t keep obsessing over that night. It’s been over a week, and it’s time to forget that Sin kissed me, if you could even call the brief touch of his lips on mine a kiss.

It’s not like he was affected at all by the events of that night. Probably doesn’t even remember his passing whim. He’s been his typical self ever since.

It’s time to forget about him and get my priorities lined up. Focus on school so I can enter med school in two years. Find a way to make more money so maybe once I turn eighteen in a few months, I can move into a dorm room and put some distance between me and the entire Brandt family. Maybe even start searching for a guy who will kiss me and not flee afterwards.

Incentivized by my plan, I promise myself I’m going to enjoy my lunch break and enjoy the pretty day while keeping Sin from invading my thoughts. I’ve formed a habit of spending my lunches at Thurston’s student commons. Even though lately it has been overcast or chilly, I enjoy finding a quiet place toread, sip on my pop, and eat the power bar I always pack for my lunch.

Today, it seems every student and faculty member has also decided to eat their lunch at the commons. All the tables are full, and the grass is covered in blankets with groups of friends laughing and studying together.

Times like this, I feel like such an outsider. Since my dad died and I had to leave Chicago, I’ve had a hard time making friends. At Bellmore, my friends consisted of my two roommates, who I think weren’t all that sad to see me go. I want things to be different at Thurston, but standing alone on the edge of the commons, joining up with any of those carefree groups seems an impossible task.

Across the commons, I see a small table open up, and miraculously, it doesn’t get claimed by the time I make my way over to it. Just as I sit, I hear a familiar laugh, and I look up to see a large group of students gathered around the fountain directly across my table. Just a glance tells me they’re the rich, popular kids. All good-looking and dressed in trendy, expensive clothes, not a pimple or bad haircut in sight, and, of course, Sin is sitting right in the middle of the group in his natural space—the center of attention.

My first reaction is to duck, which is stupid, because in no way does it conceal me. My idiocy can be blamed on not wanting Sin to see me sitting over here like a loser, friendless and alone.

I stand up and get ready to flee to the science building, where I’ll find an empty classroom and eat my power bar there until it’s time to go to my next class.

In such a hurry, I forget to look as I turn, I get plowed down by what has to be a member of the football team and his gigantic backpack. My slender build is no match for the behemoth, and I go sprawling.

The football playereither doesn’t notice or doesn’t care that he sent me flying, and I watch from the grass as his Nikes trod away while I try to catch my breath.Please, please, please, I pray,let no one have noticed my fall so I can limp to the science building in peace and anonymity. I turn my head to the right and peek up at Sin, who is looking down at his phone.Score.I sit up, ready to get to my feet and try to make as dignified an escape as I can, when I spot that Mercer is also part of the group—and he’s looking right at me.

“Fuck, Cassidy. Are you all right?” He jumps to his feet and hurries toward me. “That guy demolished you!” He offers me a hand up, but it’s batted away, and suddenly Sin is in front of me on his knees as his hands run all over me.

“Is anything broken?”

The feel of the heat of his hands on my skin distracts me, and I struggle to answer his question. The only words I want to say right now are “more” and “don’t stop.”

“Shit, he’s not speaking,” Sin looks up at Mercer. “He might have hit his head. Call 911.” Mercer grabs his phone from his pocket and begins to punch buttons.

I realize I have to stop this.

“No,” I yell loud enough so that everyone who wasn’t already watching this spectacle like it was an episode ofWhite Lotusturns to stare at me. “No,” I repeat in a more reasonable tone. “I just got the wind knocked out of me. I’m fine.”

“Do you need your inhaler? I have an extra one in my backpack.”

I take a deep breath and don’t feel any of the symptoms of an attack. I shake my head. “I really am fine.”

Sin stands up from his crouching position and pulls me up with him, where I can get a full view of all of his friends watching us.

I pull away. “I’m just gonna head back to the science building,” I tell him, desperately wanting to retreat to my safe space and possibly never leave again.

“No way,” Sin says, pulling me back to his side. “You say you’re fine, but someone should watch you just to make sure.”

“I’ll be in a classroom full of people.”

“You don’t have a class for over an hour,” he argues, and before I can wonder how he remembers that, he drags me over and sits me down on the blanket he’d been lounging on earlier. He is about to join me when his phone rings. He glances down at his screen, which is flashing the name Oliver, and a conflicted look comes over his face. Clearly, he wants to take the call, but feels like he needs to act as my nursemaid.

“I’m fine,” I insist, wondering who Oliver is. “Take your phone call.”

“Watch him,” he orders his friends and then stalks off to take his call.

Great!Now all of them are staring at me again.Thanks, Sin.

I feel so out of place. They all look like models in their effortlessly cool, on-trend clothes while I’m wearing a t-shirt with Tony the Tiger on it and jeans with holes in them that I bought at the thrift store.

They obviously know I don’t belong. They make no effort to talk to me as they eat their expensive takeout. Mercer, as much as I hate to admit it, is the only one who makes a point to bring me into the conversation, but when he has to leave to make it across town to get to an off-campus art class, I’m left sitting there trying not to look as out of place as I feel.

With nothing else to do, I unwrap my power bar and start eating it. “Is that all you’re having for lunch?”

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