Page 112 of Crave Thy Neighbor

That’s how I feel without Nolan.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping since I moved into my new place. Well, if I’m honest, the trouble started before that. But since we moved, it’s gotten worse.

It’s not the apartment, which is nice.

It’shim.

It’s what we had.

What I miss more than I thought was possible.

When we agreed to just sex, I meant it then. It was a means to a release. That was it.

He warned me too, said he didn’t do attachments. I should have stopped things when I started falling, but I couldn’t.

I didn’t want to stop.

I just wanted him.

And despite everything, Istillwant him, even though I shouldn’t.

I still need you.

If he still needs me, why isn’t he here? Why isn’t he busting down my door and proclaiming his love for me? Why isn’t he showing up and being there?

If he’s waiting on me to go running to him, he’ll keep waiting. I had a one-sided relationship before, and I refuse to go down that path again no matter how much my heart is hurting.

“Mom! Have you seen my lucky pick?”

He has a lucky pick?“No. Is it not with your guitar?”

He and Dean have been practicing the guitar a few nights a week for almost two months now. He can successfully play four entire songs. I know this because he keeps playingjustthose four songs.

I love my son and I’m thankful Dean bought him a guitar for his birthday, but if I have to hear “Brown Eyed Girl” one more time, his guitar is going to find a new home in the Dumpster.

“No!” he calls back.

I slip my mascara wand back into the tube and give my hair one last fluff. I made sure to pick an outfit that makes me appear older. I always hate school functions because of the judgmental looks I get from the parents for being so young.

But honestly, I don’t need the outfit tonight. The lack of sleep and bags under my eyes age me at least five years.

Who knew heartache had such an effect?

I switch off the bathroom light and make my way to Sam’s bedroom. He’s digging around in his dresser frantically, dropping to his hands and knees to check under it.

I cross my arms, leaning against the door. “Wild guess, but did you check your pocket?”

He groans, rolling his eyes at me. “Come on, Mom.” He jams his hand into his pocket. “I’m not that du—” Pink flushes across his cheeks. “Oh.”

I laugh. “Are you about ready then?”

“Yep.”

But I hear the quiver in his voice.

He’s nervous to play in front of a crowd, and I don’t blame him. He’s braver than me, that’s for damn sure. I can’t even sayI love youto someone, and I’m a grown-ass adult.

“All right. Let’s hit the road so we can get some decent parking. Your Aunt River and Dean are meeting us there.”

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