Page 104 of Crave Thy Neighbor

His words are coming out so fast I’m having a hard time keeping up.

“What’d you tell him, Dean?”

“I told him he’s in love with you.”

“You…what?” My head is spinning. Or is that the world? Either way, I grip the doorframe to keep steady. “Why?”

Another shrug. “Because it’s true.”

“Dean, I—”

He shakes his head, halting my words. “Don’t. Don’t try to pull that same shit and deny it. He’s in love with you, and if the way you’ve been moping around for the past week is any sign, you’re in love with him too.”

My mouth opens, ready to argue with him.

But…he’s right.

I’m in love with Nolan.

I have no idea when it happened, but it snuck right up on me, and as much as I’ve been trying, I don’t know how to make it stop. It hurts to love him, but I think it’ll hurt to not love him even more.

“Anyway,” Dean continues, “he kind of freaked a bit at first. Then he seemed to accept it, maybe even embrace it. I have no fucking idea what happened between then and now, but I can’t help thinking it was something I said to make him push you away.”

His shoulders are hunched and his eyes are full of so many apologies that don’t need to be said.

No matter what Dean said to Nolan, none of this is his fault. Nolan is an adult, and how he chose to react is solely on his shoulders. If running is the way he decides to take care of things, that’s on him.

“You’re a good friend, Dean, and Nolan is lucky to have you.”

He puffs his chest out. “Pfft. I know.”

“None of this is on you, though, and I think I’m starting to realize it’s not on me either. It’s on Nolan. If you were right about him…”

I trail off, the words caught in my throat.

“About him being…” I try again, but they won’t come out. I shake my head. “If you were right, then it’s up to Nolan what he’s going to do about it. If this is how he deals, this is it, and I’ll accept that.”

Dean’s face falls, not liking that answer. “But what about”—he points between us—“this? River? Us?”

“If I can co-parent with my ex-husband, I think I’ll be just fine co-friending with Nolan.”

His eyes search mine, and I try to convey as much reassurance as I can.

He accepts what he sees with a dip of his chin. “Okay. But if I need to go kick his ass, just say the word. He certainly has it coming.”

I laugh, imagining the kids’ reaction to Dean showing up at school with a black eye. “Have I mentioned lately how glad I am that you and River finally got over your shit? She’s lucky you put up with her.”

“Thank you! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her. I’m practically Prince Fucking Charming.”

“I don’t think Prince Charming’s middle name is fucking.”

He gives me a mischievous grin. “It is in my version.” He winks. “Night, Maya.”

“Good night, Dean.”

I close the door behind him, sinking against it, the weight of the last week taking its toll.

I’m worn out.

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