Page 75 of Here's to Tomorrow

18

Rae

Hudson thinks Perry is my ex! This is rich!

My chest is on fire and I’m hardly making a sound because I’m laughing so hard.

Wait…if he thinks Perry is my ex, that means he thinks we had sex!Ew! GROSS!

I sober up because poor Hudson has his mouth hanging open. I reach over and gently close it for him. “What did I tell you about those flies, Hudson?”

“I just… I don’t get it. I mean…you two seem so close. I don’t…I don’t understand.”

“Weareclose. Next to Maura, he’s my best friend. My right-hand man. The best guy I know.”

Hudson drops his head into his hands and groans. “Gaige was right. He said you were probably family but No-Bullshit Hudson was in full swing so I was having none of that.”

“No-Bullshit Hudson?” I question with a smirk.

He gives me side-eye. “Don’t laugh,” he says, trying to fight a smile of his own. “He’s my inner asshole that tries to tell it to me straight. He rarely makes an appearance. Logical Hudson is usually the one milling about.” His head drops back into his hands. “Ugh! I cannot believe I thought he was your ex!”

“Why didn’t you just ask me about him? I’m shocked I haven’t mentioned him before, but I can see where I may have forgotten. I’ve been a little wrapped up in…well, you lately.”

“I didn’t want to ruin anything by sounding jealous. Plus, there was Joey. I guess I felt you were entitled to your past as much as I am mine. I didn’t tell you about her, so why should you have to disclose your past—and nonexistent, apparently—relationship with Perry,” he confesses. “And I really don’t remember you mentioning him. I mean, you said you had a cousin, but you never mentioned a name. I guess you not mentioning his name is only fair though. It made me worry a little. It was like karma for springing Joey on you.”

“You’re right. Paybacks suck, huh?” I say.

Hudson sighs loudly. “I am so sorry, Rae.”

I know he’s not just talking about the Perry thing, but also about Joey. I don’t know what to say because it’s kind of not okay. I know we’ve only been seeing one another for a couple weeks, but he should have said something. I mean, this ishuge. I don’t know what to do with it all either. I’ve never dated anyone with a child, and I’ve never seen myself doing so either.

“I know you are, Hudson. Right now though, I’m not sure what to do. I like you, likereally, reallylike you,” I tell him, repeating the words he spoke earlier because theyaretrue. “I just don’t know how to feel about anything else. Like you, I don’t want to hurt your daughter. I just know children have always been a hard no for me.”

His head drops, and his shoulders sink as if they are carrying too much weight.

God, I hate how sad he looks. I hate that it makes my chest constrict and my body ache. That has to be a sign, right? That Hudson isn’t just some person? That I can’t walk away from this because of something I’ve always perceived a certain way?

It has to be.

I take a deep breath and let it out. “But for you, I’m willing to try.”

Hudson slowly lifts his head, locking his eyes onto mine. “Are you…are you sure? I don’t want you to push yourself into this, to regret this decision, because it’s huge, Rae. Youhaveto be sure.”

“I am.”

He takes my hands and kisses my cheek quickly. “Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything,” he says, his face hard and serious.

“What’s with the cuss jar?”

His eyes crinkle at the corners with laughter. “My parents used to have one for me when I was a kid. Figured I’d carry on the tradition. You should see the thing. It’s so full between Tucker, Gaige, and me.”

That tugs on my heartstrings. It’s so sweet that he carried that on from his childhood.

“Um, Daddy? I’m bored,” Joey says, suddenly appearing from around the corner. “Can we watch another movie, please? This time with Rae.”

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