Page 62 of Here's to Tomorrow

There are billions of people in this world and you find theoneperson who jumbles you up inside like this. You find them and you freak out over them and then you find this inner calm you’ve been searching for all your life and you realize you only have that because of that person.

Then you freak out some more.

And then you step outside of a burger joint and try to get your shit together and pretend you don’t smell the dumpster that desperately needs to be rolled away.

Can I do this? Can I let Hudson in? I’m scared in a way I never have been before. Letting him in would mean dates, which I can do. Kissing, which I can do. It would mean family, which I canprobablydo, but there’s a chance they would scare him away—I’ve met them, I should know.

But then there’s the whole talking about things, not skating around truths, and being entirely open with someone. You relinquish control over yourself, your emotions, when you let someone in, and that’s what scares me the most.

For the most part, I’ve felt like I had a good grip on my life. Then I graduated college and I felt lost. Then I felt okay. Then I met Hudson and confused as hell again.

I wassosure I had talked myself into it, that I was ready to leave this town, to get a big girl job in the city. Then Hudson told me it was okay to feel like I don’t have to do those things, told me I could stay here forever and still have all those things.

He makes me feel…worthy. Full. I feel like he knows something about me that’s hidden deep within and he pulls at that. He helps center me.

It’s all I have right now, and I’m going to cling to it while I can.

My concentration is broken when Clarissa comes barreling through the door on her cell phone, screeching at someone. I feel sorry for the poor bastard on the other end. She gives me a glare and rolls her eyes likeI’mintruding on herspace or some shit.

Guess break time is over.I push off the wall and head back inside.

I scan the dining area as soon as I walk through the hall. Everyone seems good, so I hit the bar to see if Benny needs me to run drinks for him.

“You okay, little one?” he asks, giving me a look that tells me he knows I just had a minor freak out.

I give him a thumbs-up. “Need me to run any drinks?” He nods, sliding a glass filled with thick dark liquid my way. “Guinness? Gross,” I shudder.

He laughs. “Just run it to table twelve. You don’t have to drink it.”

“I’m gonna at least plug my nose. This shit stinks.”

Benny just shakes his head at me. I grab the drink and am ready to head onto the floor guns blazing when I come face to face with Hudson.

Being the smartass I am, I hook my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the restrooms. “You already forget? Bathroom is that way. Or did you need me to wait five minutes while you muster up the courage to ask me?” I smirk at him.

He folds his arms over his chest. “Goddamn do you have a smart mouth or what? I love it.”

You’re welcome.

“I didn’t say thank you, but now I feel like I should have.”

I mentally slap myself in the bed.Of course I said that out loud.

“So, I was wondering…” he starts.

“Wonder away, stud.”

His lips twitch at my interruption. “Can I give you a ride home? Or would that be weird?”

He’s in luck because I caught a ride with Haley tonight. She was going out with some moms from daycare and wanted an early out in case they all “sucked more than a vacuum.” Yeah, those were her exact words.

“I guess,” I tease.

“Wow. Don’t sound too excited about it or anything.”

And now he’s played with fire…

“Oh, Hudson,of courseyou can drive me home! You are justsoooosweet!” I yell at the top of my lungs. We get some stares, but most of the patrons know me well enough to ignore me.

---