Page 103 of Here's to Tomorrow

“At one point, she was the light of my life. She was smart, kind, and the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Then we got pregnant. At sixteen, Rae. Sixteen! Do you have any idea what that can do to a person? It can completely break them, and that’s exactly what it did to Jess.”

The sadness in his voice is so clear that it hurts. He used to love Jess, that much is obvious, but I can also hear sadness over everything he lost: his youth, the mother of his child, a normal life for Joey.

“What happened?” I inquire quietly.

He sighs. “Well, after we decided we were going to keep the baby, we told my parents first. My dad freaked out, my mother cried, and things were strained around the house for months afterward. Then it all blew up. My dad and I had a horrible fight. I moved out and in with Jess. Her parents said we had until the baby came and then we had to get our own place. So we did, and it awesome for some time. Even though we had a new baby, the freedom we had felt amazing, but it only took about a year and a half for it to all start falling apart right under my nose.”

He pauses, taking a deep breath and scratching his nose, his eyes never leaving the road.

“We were eighteen. I had graduated early and was working all the time, and when I say working, I really do mean working. I spent countless hours at Jacked Up, sixty hours a week sometimes. Horton used to pay me cash under the table to help him out with personal projects. I did it to keep up with the bills because it seemed like every time I turned around, Jess was asking for more money. I didn’t know jack shit about the finances so I assumed it was all going to Joey and rent and utilities. I was wrong. So very wrong.”

He stops again, briefly squeezing his eyes shut.

“You don’t have to continue, Hudson. I can guess what happened next.”

“No, Ineedto tell you this.”

I nod. He continues.

“I came home one night to find Jess sitting on the couch and Joey screaming her head off only a few feet away. I assumed she was tired and spacing out. What I didn’t realize was she was as high as a kite. It took me another week to find out what she was doing with all that money I’d been giving her: drugs. She started with coke about two months after Joey was born to lose the baby weight. A friend at work got her hooked. I had no clue it was going on for two years. After all, she didn’t seem off. Apparently it was only an occasional thing at first. Then it turned serious and she started shooting up. After I found out, I took Joey and left for a week. Tucker saved my ass with that,” he says, a small smile slipping through.

“Tucker is a good guy.”

His smile grows even bigger. “The best.”

Hudson’s quiet for a moment. I can see how much talking about this is affecting him. There’s a tightness in his jaw and his hands are gripping the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white. I’m just not sure who he’s more upset with—himself or Jess.

“So,” he finally says. “Eventually I went back. Jess sought me out every day, telling me how sorry she was, promising she’d quit. I believed her. I think a part of me craved the kind of relationship my parents had and that’s why I went back. Everything was great for about eight months…and then I caught her fucking around with another coworker. At that point, we hadn’t been intimate in months. Maybe that was my fault, because this was when Horton got sick and I started taking over the shop.” He sounds so sad about that last part, like he still blames himself, which is really fucking stupid. “Anyway, I stayed. Forgave her even. But then, a few months later, I started finding little hints that she was back on the drugs. That was the last straw. So, I took Joey, who was four at the time, in the middle of the night and left. Moved back in with my parents and never once looked back. She’s reached out once in the last three years and it was for money. That’s it. I don’t regret leaving for a second.”

We don’t speak for miles.

I reach over and place my hand on his arm. “You were young, afraid, and trying to make it work on your own. You did what you thought was right at the time. You’re a great father, Hudson. Everything you went through with Jess brought you closer to your amazing daughter. Don’t ever think you did anything wrong because at the time, it was right for you.”

The air around us shifts. I think Hudson finally telling me about Jess somehow brought us closer together.

“Thank you,” he says, emotion filling his voice.

“No problem. It’s what I do,” I joke, attempting to lighten the mood. “Does Joey ever ask about Jess?”

He shakes his head. “Not anymore. She did a lot at first, but I told her she had her Nana, who has been in her life every day since she was four, and I guess that’s always been enough for her.”

I nod. “Makes sense I guess.”

“Now, can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“Why don’t you like kids?”

Fuck.

“Anything but that?” I try. He shakes his head no. “Damn. Points for trying.” I blow out a breath. “This isn’t a happy story, Hudson,” I warn.

“Like mine was?”

“You got Joey out of it.”

He grins. “True, but you’re not getting out of this. I’m ready.”

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