Page 10 of Here's to Tomorrow

3

Rae

Two weeks later

Working at a bar sucks ass. It may seem glamorous to some, getting lots of tips and checking out hot guys all night long, but it’s not. Not even close. It’s mostly catty women, and to be honest, there’s too much ass-grabbing and not enough hot guys.

In the four and some change years I’ve been working here, I’ve only ever had a problem with Clarissa, another waitress working tonight, and it’s not thatIhave the problem. She has a major one with me. What is it? I have no freakin’ clue. She just doesn’t seem to like me and thinks everything I do is wrong, but I’m not one for confrontation so I let it all roll off my back.

I’m currently on the receiving end of a glare and a fierce finger-point from my beloved Clarissa.

“What the fuck, Rae?” She has me cornered in the back hallway, shoving her too-long bright pink fingernail in my face. “You stole my table! I was just about to walk up to them. You saw me! I could have earned some serious tips from them! They’ve been eye-fucking me all week and you took the table!”

I smother a laugh because I know what Clarissa means by “serious tips” and it’snotmoney. She’s talking about hooking up. However, the table I apparently stole belongs to my cousin Perry and his friends, none of whom would give her the time of day.

I’m not trying to judge Clarissa, because what she does on her own time is her business, but when she does it in the parking lot at work, it kind of becomes my business—especially when I’ve had to witness it a few times when I’m on break or leaving for the night. She seems to think no one can see inside cars when it’s dark outside.

She’s wrong.

Anyway, I don’t like it. It gives off the wrong kind of vibe for Clyde’s Bar & Grill. This place doesn’t deserve that kind of reputation. It’s not too rowdy or too quiet, but perfectly mellow. The orange-and-blue theme of the bar keeps it bright and friendly—definitely not a sexy atmosphere. Simply put, she needs to stop boning in the parking lot because this is not the place for it.

“I’m sorry, Clarissa. I didn’t see you walking up to them.” Not a lie—mostly because I try to ignore her, but whatever. “You can have the next two that come into my area. I promise.”

It doesn’t work that way, but whatever. At Clyde’s, the first one to the table gets it. We all try to stay within our own little area, but in all honesty, every table is fair game. It’s different than the last place I worked, where we had our own sections. The owner here likes the spontaneity of it all, likes that we all work the whole floor. It seems to do the job so far, and it’s fun. Makes the night go by faster.

“Damn right I get the next one.” She gives me one last glare and flounces past me. I swear I can hear her mumble “bitch” as she goes by.

I press out my apron and mentally roll my eyes before walking out of the hallway into the main bar. I’m tired and so not in the mood for her shit. My mind hasn’t been focused for a couple days now and my infamous nightmare is back so I haven’t been sleeping well as of late. On top of all that, after two plus weeks of not getting calls back on applications, I’m starting to feel like I’m never going to get out of here, and Ireallywant to get a move on with my life.

Last year I started to feel…lost. Even though I know exactly where I am, I feel like I don’t, which doesn’t make much sense—not even to me. I want out. I want to start my life because it feels like I haven’t been living, like something is missing.

I just can’t figure out what.

Shrugging off my doom-and-gloom thoughts, I look around the bar, taking in the customers and how my tables are doing.

“Yo, Rae!” Benny, the bartender and our unofficial bouncer, calls out.

Benny’s huge, so huge that I’m positive his muscles have muscles. He’s kind of scary-looking at first, but once you get a glimpse of that blinding white smile on his face, you can see he’s nothing but a big teddy bear. I would know, since I’ve been working at Clyde’s for over four years now and we’ve grown close. He’s a big softy and so sweet; he’s easily one of the most caring and giving people I’ve ever met. He’d be the perfect boyfriend, too, if he weren’t almost as old as my dad and gay.

I give him a quick high-five and place the drink order for my cousin’s table. It’s an easy order of just one Coke so far since the guys are still fighting over what pitcher of beer to get.

“How’s my girl doing? You look down, honey.” An unnatural frown appears on his face. “You been sleeping okay?”

Of course he would ask that. “Not really.It’sback,” I huff, referring to my nightmare.

“Same as always?”

I nod. “She’s always in it.”

“She did a number on you, huh?”

“She’s my mom, Benny. Yeah, she did a number on me.”

“You need to get out of that head of yours. It can’t keep coming and going like that. I wonder what triggered this round.”

He knows me all too well, because he’s right. Something triggered it. It usually stays away for months at a time, then something happens, causing it to start up again. I’m never sure what it is. It’s been almost eight months since I’ve had one, which is a record really, because it has never stayed away so long.

“I know. I can’t keep trucking along on two to three hours of sleep.” I shrug in anI give upkind of way, causing Benny to throw me a sympathetic smile as he hands me my drink.

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