Page 132 of Doughn't Let Me Go

“Yeah?”

“Is Missy Fishy going to be okay?”

I’m not sure.

“I hope so, kiddo.” I clear my throat. “I hope so.”

Slice Eighteen

Doris

I’ve been putting on a brave face for Kyrie, but inside I’m bursting with so many emotions.

I haven’t talked to Porter in days.

Which is absurd, because I live in his house.

Every night, he knocks on my door.

And every night, I ignore him.

He always sighs that same sigh and takes a seat on the floor. He stays there until the early hours of the morning before retreating to his own bed for a few hours of shut-eye.

Or maybe he’s not sleeping at all. Based on the bags lining his eyes and the way we seem to be burning through the fresh bag of coffee in the pantry more quickly than usual, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

When he’s not hanging out in front of my door, he’s holed up in his office with Fran.

So, really, if we’re being technical here, I’m not avoiding him. He’s avoiding me.

Not that I blame him.

I kissed him, then shut him out.Literally.

But Ihadto kiss him. I couldn’t not, especially when I knew it would be the last time.

Just like Ihadto shut him out too.

His words slashed deep, carved their way into my skin and burrowed inside of me.

The worst part of it all?

They cut because they were true.

Porter is right—I push relationships away because I’ve seen them fail so many times. I push them away because I’ve witnessed the hurt and pain too many times to count.

When I left home, I vowed to never be like my mother, always relying on a man or materialistic things to make me happy.

I promised myself I would pave my own way without handouts and without someone holding my hand. I’d do it alone. I could be happy for myselfbecauseof myself. I didn’t need nice flashy things or someone to love me.

I was enough.

Then Porter had to go and wreck everything.

He waltzed into my life with his custom suits and his charm, swooping in to save me and allowing me to have a taste of a life where I’m not constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He had to make mefeel.

Safe. Secure.Alive.

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