Page 112 of Doughn't Let Me Go

“How did he not know?” I wonder.

“Babies are quick little shits.” She laughs at her own words. “Well, that was fitting.” Drew digs into the basket we brought down from the house and produces a bag of chips. “Snack?”

I shake my head. “I think I’ve lost my appetite after that.”

She shrugs. “You get used to it. Just wait until you have a kid of your own. Things you find disgusting now won’t be so gross later.”

“Kids are not on my list of things to have.”

“Smart girl,” Drew says, twisting the cap off her water and taking a swig. “They’re draining—emotionally, physically, and financially.” She peeks over at Winston and Riker. “I guess they’re worth it though. To me, at least.”

“It’s nice seeing you so happy,” I tell her. “You had me scared for a while there.”

She looks at me meaningfully. “I wouldn’t have gotten through those first few months without you,Dory.” She winks. “I appreciate you more than you know. I’m glad Porter held on to your info and you ended up with him. He’s a really good guy.”

“I’m notwithhim,” I remind her.

“I just meant work-wise, but glad to know your denial game is so strong.” She laughs at the look on my face. “What? I’m just saying. You two ending up together… It’s inevitable.”

“It’s not though. We’re making sure to keep feelings out of it.”

“Please.” She waves her hand. “Winston and I tried that shit too. We failed—miserably. Or joyfully, whichever way you want to look at it. Now I’m happy we snuck around like we did. It gave us time to get to know each other without everyone else sticking their noses in our business. I think it made us stronger in the end.” She looks over at me. “And, by the way, none of us will get in your business. We know there’s a little more at stake here than just you two, and we don’t want to out you before you’re ready.”

Kyrie. The reason we can’t bring feelings into this. The reason we have to sneak around in the first place.

I’ll be honest, the sneaking is fun, but it’s also exhausting, increasingly so.

I have to constantly remind myself to keep my hands off Porter, to not reach out and touch him whenever I feel like it. I can’t kiss that stupid scar above his eyebrow whenever I want.

He’s mine, but he’s not.

And that’s getting more difficult to keep straight as each night passes.

“For what it’s worth, I think she’d be ecstatic if you two got together.”

I follow her eyes to Porter and Kyrie, who are now making sand angels, something I’m sure Porter will regret later when he has to clean sand out of his nether regions.

I don’t say anything out loud, but I think Kyrie would approve of us too.

I try to never think about it, because I know my life better than that. Nothing good ever lasts. It’s just the unspoken rule of my existence.

One step forward, three back.

But maybe, if I don’t put expectations on this, things will be different this time.

And I really, really want them to be.

Slice Fifteen

Porter

“So, how are things with you and Doris?” Foster rolls his eyes when I scowl at him. “Sorry,Dory.”

“I’m not mean-mugging you because you called her the wrong name, I’m doing it because what the fuck?” I wave my hand to Winston and Sully. “Just gonna out us like that?”

“Well…” Foster grins over the beer bottle poised at his lips. “I meant professionally, but now thatyou’veouted yourself, do tell us more.”

“You fucker,” I groan, tossing my head back.

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