Page 96 of Can't Text This

Me:I can’t.

Python:Then there’s your answer.

Me:There it is.

* * *

Python:DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

Me:THUMBELINA!

Me:Can I confess something?

Python:You tried to steal my rabbit, didn’t you?

Me:…

Me:Yes.

Me:HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

Python:Because she’s adorable as shit.

Me:There is nothing adorable about human excrement.

Python:Keep going, Monty. I love it when you talk dirty to me.

Me:Gross. Stop it.

Me:So what’s next for us? It’s been two days since…you know.

Python:I’m sorry, are you asking to jump on my Magic Daddy Dick again? My, my, I didn’t realize you’d be such a little horndog.

Me:I AM NOT ASKING THAT.

Me:But if you’re offering…

Me:IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE. Stupid voice to text. OMC

Python:OMC?

Python:Oh. Cats. Duh.

Python:Just for the record, I am ALWAYS offering.

Me:I’ll keep that in mind.

* * *

Me:Remember how I was all, “I’ll keep that in mind”, trying to play it cool about, you know, us.

Python:You mean yesterday? Yes. Continue.

Me:Well…

Me:I’ll be there in twenty.

Me:WAIT. Can I…can I bring food? I get hungry afterward.

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