“I’m not a goddamn stranger. We’ve been talking about sex for weeks, Monty—weeks—and you didn’t find it important to mention you’re a virgin?”
“I was going to, tonight…but I forgot.”
“Youforgot?”
“You made me forget. I wasn’t thinking about it, about my inexperience. All I was thinking about was you. I was lost in the moment.”
“Dammit, Monty,” I bite out angrily.
Her eyes fall shut against the harshness of my words and she whispers, “I’m sorry. Are you mad?”
“That you’re a virgin? No, I would never be mad about that, but you not telling me? You’re fucking right I’m pissed.”
She lets out a soft cry and I don’t know if it’s because I’m still inside her or because I know the truth. “It hurts so bad.”
Softly, I say, “This is kind of a big deal. If I’d have known, I would have been gentler, worshipped you more, lit some fucking candles or some other girly shit. I would have made this something special for you.”
“If I wanted something like that, I would have told you, but I don’t want those things. I just want you.”
“That’s the lust talking.”
“Probably,” she agrees. “But it’s still the truth.”
“I don’t want you to regret this. I don’t want you to look back and count this as a mistake. All those comments about banging…they were just jokes. You know that, right?”
“Yes, I know. I would never put myself in this position if I didn’t want this. You should know I’m a pretty calculating kind of gal, and this is a very calculated decision. I want this. I wantyou.”
“Were you saving yourself for marriage? Because I’ll do it. I’ll whisk you off right now and marry the shit out of you.”
She laughs through her tears and I love the sound. “You would not. You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“Yeah, you’re right, but you didn’t answer my question.”
“I wasn’t waiting for anything special. I was just…waiting.”
I sigh and drop my head until it rests on her forehead.
We lie here for several heartbeats. I’m still halfway inside her, still hard as ever, still wanting to make her scream my name again.
“You should have told me,” I say quietly.
“I know, and I’m sorry, but Robbie?”
“Yeah?”
“Move—please. It hurts and I need you to move. I need to get it over with.”
I know she doesn’t mean the act, she means burying myself inside of her. For the first time tonight, it’s me who’s following the instructions as I slowly push myself forward until I’m fully in.
“I can’t fucking breathe.”
“Me either,” she says.
She’s still crying, and I know this is hurting her.
“It’ll get better,” I promise, taking the shortest, slowest stroke of my life. “It’ll get so much fucking better. The pain will turn into a pinch.” Another stroke. “The pinch into pleasure.” Another. “And soon you’re going to be on fire in the best way possible. You’ll be begging for a release.” Another. “Begging for more.”
I press my lips to hers, kissing away the pain she’s feeling, kissing away the doubts I’m sure she’s having. I kiss her until my lips are numb.