Page 7 of Can't Text This

I pull myself up and hit the bathroom. I kick away the toys lining the tile, reminding myself to have Xavie clean his mess before he has to go to his mom’s later tonight.

“Are you coming?”

I give my dick a good shake and wash my hands while trying not to let out a weary sigh.

If anyone in the history of ever said kids aren’t exhausting, they’re a damn liar.

Xavie is the most exhausting thing to ever happen to me. He’s needy, he’s pushy, and he can besoannoying.

But he’s mine, and I’d die for the kid.

“Hold your horses,” I tell him as I dry my hands.

“I can’t. They’re out of control!”

I amble through our small apartment and head into the kitchen, where I find him already sitting at the counter, ready to eat.

“Whatcha want, Xavie?”

“Waffles…bacon…sausage…biscuits and gravy. Pancakes too!”

I lift a brow, and he giggles.

“Okay, okay. Just waffles.”

“With peanut butter and strawberries on top?”

He nods enthusiastically. “Please.”

“Coming right up.”

I pull open the freezer door, grab the bag of pre-made waffles, and begin preparing them. I used to spend my Sunday nights in front of the latest gaming console with a burrito in one hand and a joint in the other. Now I use them for meal-prepping and making lunches.

Parenthood does weird things to a person.

The doorbell chimes and Xavie hops off his stool, running to the front door as fast as his little legs can carry him. “I’ll get it!”

“Make sure you look out the peephole so you know it’s not a creeper.”

One of the biggest selling points for this apartment was how kid-friendly it is. They have an adult-level peephole and one for kiddos—that shit is brilliant.

“Is Uncle Zach a creeper?” The kid’s voice is full of excitement because he is in love with my best friend.

In a weird turn of events, I met Zach the same night I got my ex-girlfriend pregnant.

I ran into the back of his way-too-expensive car at the stoplight outside a strip club. Instead of being mad, Zach took me inside and bought me a lap dance because he’d had a good damn day at work.

Sure, it was only one of those eighteen-plus clubs, and it was only four in the afternoon on a random Thursday so the best of the best wasn’t in the lineup, but we bonded over titties like you wouldn’t believe.

Haven’t looked back since.

Xavie wouldn’t be here without him either, not only because Zach is the best support system in the entire fucking world, but because that lap dance he bought me led to some crazy sex with Xavie’s mom.

Life is strange.

“The biggest one I know. Don’t let him in.”

“I’m not a creep. I’m awesome,” Zach says once Xavie opens the door. “What’s up, buddy?”

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