Page 55 of Can't Text This

Me:Did you just propose before we’ve even dated?

Python:Hmm…depends on if you’re saying yes or not.

Me:I’m not.

Python:Yikes. Awkward.

Python:Then no.

Python:Aren’t you gonna hate on my favorite animal now? That’s what you’ve been doing, hating on all my favorites.

Me:No. French bulldogs are adorable.

Python:So you’re telling me the way to your heart is through a dog?

Me:No. But also maybe yes. We’ll see.

Me:Also, why don’t you just get one as a pet for your son if you love them so much?

Python:Because I’m a baller on a budget, baby, and those little shits are expensive as fuck.

Me:Well, baller, you better find a bigger budget if you wanna get to my heart.

Me:Oh my gosh! I’m kidding. That felt so dirty to write.

Me:Forgive me.

Python:You’re adorable, Monty. Slightly awkward, but abso-fucking-lutely adorable.

Python:P.S. I’m not buying you a puppy.

Me:It was worth a shot.

* * *

Python:So, I did something and now I can’t get rid of it.

Me:What kind of something?

Me:Wait…it? IT?

Me:YOU BOUGHT ME A PUPPY, DIDN’T YOU?

Python:DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

Me:Seriously? ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS, ROBBIE? I need to know!!!

Me:He is so cute!

Python:Oh, sorry. Wrong picture. That’s just a photo of the pet I WANTED to get.

Me:…

Me:So you didn’t buy me a puppy?

Python:What? No. I hardly know you. That’d be dumb.

Me:*cries*

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