Page 38 of Can't Text This

Me:Er, spawn is a comic book hero?

Python:Get on Amazon. Right now. Download all the comics. Buy the movie. NOW.

Python:NO WAIT. I’ll just come over. I’ll read you the comics, touch your butt, watch the movie, do some heavy petting, and then we can discuss and bask in the glory that is Spawn, the greatest antihero ever.

Me:Very subtle on the butt-touching.

Python:What? Me? *blinks innocently*

Me:I’ll get on Amazon now if it’ll make you happy.

Python:Immensely.

Python:Don’t forget to text me your address.

Me:MONTY ANDREWS HAS SIGNED OFF

Python:Get your technology right at least!

Python:Now, what about your drama?

Me:Well, now I don’t want to tell you. It doesn’t endup all hopeful and positive like yours. It’s sad.

Python:A deal’s a deal, Monty.

Me:Fine. Girl meets guy. Girl falls for guy. Girl won’t, uh, give it up, so guy sleeps with everyone who isn’t her. She doesn’t find this out until AFTER they’re engaged. It’s tragic and heartbreaking, so she packs her bags and moves across the country.

Python:Holy fuck. That IS sad.

Python:Also, I want to punch that asshole.

Python:I’m sorry you had to go through that. But, hey, bright side to all this…YOU MET ME!

Me:So you keep reminding me with the incessant texting.

Python:You love it.

Me:I plead the fifth.

Python:That’s always code for yes.

* * *

Me:He asked again.

Python:No fucking way.

Python:Show him this…

Python:DOWNLOAD ATTACHMENT

Me:Really? A picture of you flexing?

Python:What? I want him to see his competition.

Me:*sighs*

Me:I told him I had to go pick up tampons and left.

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