Page 28 of Can't Text This

Me:Ha! No. I mean, I write codes. I develop apps.

Monty:I thought you worked with kids?

Me:I do, but in a roundabout way. I helped develop an app called Embody Positivity (go ahead and Google that shit…we’re legit) and we run a “safe house” of sorts.

“You guys still talking?”

“Yeah.”

He pokes my cheek. “You’re blushing and it’s cute as hell.”

“Please go away.”

“Uh, bro, you’re inmyhouse—you go away.” He gasps. “Holy crap! I just realized I can kick you out because you don’t live here anymore. This is the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“Someone’s exaggerating.”

“He does that a lot,” Delia says as she makes her way down the stairs. She looks from me to Xavie. “Are you boys staying for dinner?”

“What are you having?” my son asks.

“Dude! Not cool. Thought I was raising you better than that.”

He shrugs. “It’s an important question.”

“He’s not wrong,” Zach adds.

“If it’s pizza, we’re in,” Xavie answers for us.

I grin, because, like Zach said, he’s not wrong.

Delia laughs and shakes her head. “Pizza is fine. Zach, put in our order, please?”

“You got it, babe.”

“You got it, babe,” I mock. “Disgusting.”

“You just wish I’d call you babe.” Zach smacks a kiss to my cheek and dodges my fist before running up the stairs to go place the pizza order.

Delia takes his spot on the couch and shrugs. “He’s your best friend.”

“He’s your boyfriend!”

She sighs. “Don’t remind me.”

“Xavie thinks Zach hung the moon. Maybe we should let him claim the doof.”

“I’m pretty sure your son still eats his own boogers, Robbie—is he really the best judge of character?”

“Hey! I don’t eat my boogers!” He slides his eyes sideways, which is his tell. Kid will probably dig one out on the car ride home and stick it to the seat or some shit. “Anymore.”

Delia curls her lip and mimics Raven-Symoné’s character fromThat’s So Raven. “Ya nasty.”

He giggles, and they launch into some sort of who can do the better “ya nasty” voice competition.

Monty:I Googled.

Me:Yeah? Was wondering where you disappeared to.

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