Page 94 of Can't Text This

I laugh at the sulky little shit who I love so dearly and steer him toward the car. As much fun as I had last night, I missed the kid, and I only have a few hours left with him today; I plan to make the best of them.

I realize now that, to do that, I’m going to do the one thing I’ve been fighting to do all damn morning.

As Xavie climbs into the car and buckles himself in, I slide my phone from my pocket.

Me:I have two things to say to you, Monts. You ready?

Me:#1, it didn’t work. Whatever we did last night, it didn’t fucking work. I’m still thinking about you, and I’m gonna need more—a whole hell of a lot more.

Me:#2, you can run, but we’re not done. THIS isn’t done. We clear?

Monty:We’re clear.

Fifteen

Monty

Python:I’ve given you a day. I can’t wait any more. I was going to call but I had a feeling this might be easier for you.

Me:You’re probably right.

Me:Not because I’m a chicken though. I’m having a girls’ night with my sister and we’re watching a movie. Our only rule is no phone calls.

Python:But you can text?

Me:No. I’m just being a rebel.

Python:I’ll allow it.

Me:THIS IS GIRLS’ NIGHT. PUT YOUR MAGIC DADDY DICK AWAY. WE’RE HAVING A DICK-FREE NIGHT.

Python:Denny, hi. Great to meet you again.

Python:Loving the new nickname. Magic Daddy Dick. I can get behind that.

Me:And my sister wants to get ON that. NOW SHUT UP.

Python:Right. My bad.

Python:Psst…Monty. Is it safe? Is she gone?

Me:NO BITCH.

Python:I won’t lie, I’m imagining all these dirty words coming from Monty’s mouth and it’s making me laugh really fucking hard. Thank you for that.

Me:Okay, first, I would NEVER speak like that, so don’t even THINK about it. Second, sorry. She’s the worst.

Python:I don’t know…that totally turned my shitty day into something much better.

Me:Well…you’re welcome…I think.

Me:Though I think the reason you had a bad day might have to do with me, so maybe you’re not so welcome.

Python:Correct.

Python:Why’d you bail, Monty?

Me:Wow. We’re going to just jump right into this, huh?

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