Page 91 of Can't Text This

Zach raises one of his bushy brows. “Am I that type of guy? No? Didn’t think so. Why would Ieverhand out that kind of advice?”

“BecauseI’mone of those guys,” I argue.

“No, you’re not. You think you are, but you’re not. You’re not built for it, not truly. Sure, you’re a bit of a make-out slut, but there’s a reason you kept going back to Holly, and it wasn’t because of your son. It was because you’re not the type to go out and sleep with someone random, not after what happened with getting Holly knocked up and all that. You’re too careful, so you always go the safe route.” He taps on the side of his head. “Think about it, man.”

I hate to admit that he’s right about anything, but he’s right. Ididkeep going back to Holly because she was safe. Sure, our son had something to do with it, but his part was a lot smaller than I let myself acknowledge.

Holly was safe. I knew what I was getting myself into each and every time with her.

Monty, on the other hand…I have no fucking clue. She’s been a surprise at every turn.

Including this morning when she left me there, wet and naked and fresh out of the shower after a night full of sex.

Who does that?

Was she embarrassed? Ashamed?Hurt?

“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell him. “I don’t want your dumb ass to be, but you are.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You know I love you, Zach.”

“You love me so damn much that you went out and bought a bunny so I’d stop making unannounced visits to your place, right?”

“First, who in their right mind is actuallyafraidof bunnies? Bunnies! The most innocent creatures ever.”

“Hey, Marshy resents that remark!”

I roll my eyes. “Second, you leave Thumbelina Bruce Wayne out of this. She’s done nothing wrong.”

“Except plot my demise. I can see it in her beady little eyes. She’s out to get me.”

“You’re deranged.”

“I tell him thatallthe time.” Delia lets out a yawn as she slides into the kitchen. “Good morning, boys. I heard you exchanging ‘I love yous’, by the way.” She shakes her phone at Zach. “I recorded it for future blackmail.”

I blink at my best friend. “You’re dating the devil, you know that, right?”

He wraps his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. “I know. Aren’t her horns so cute?”

“I swear, fate couldn’t have brought together two better suited weirdos.”

“That wasn’t fate, Robbie, that was you. Don’t forget, this is all your fault,” Delia says.

“I hate myself.”

“But you love us.” She shakes her phone again. “I have proof.”

I groan, smacking my palm over my face. “Where’s my kid?”

“Outside with the other kids.”

“Wow. You just went there, huh?”

“You expected it.” He plants a kiss on Delia’s cheek and heads toward the coffee pot. “Coffee, babe?”

“Does a bear shit in the woods?”

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