Page 58 of Can't Text This

Me:I know.

* * *

Python:I don’t get it.

Me:Hello random conversation.

Python:Huh?

Me:Sometimes I feel like you text me in the middle of a conversation you’re having with yourself. It’s endearing at times, but also very confusing.

Python:We’re supposed to be all in sync by now, Monty. Get with the program.

Me:Sorry. You’re right. Let’s start over.

Python:I don’t get it.

Me:OMG!!! I KNOW!!! ME EITHER!!!

Python:Wow. Nice overkill.

Me:How rude.

Me:What don’t you get?

Me:And if it’s a math problem, I can’t help you there. I’m not a good mather.

Python:Or speaker of English. Mather isn’t a word.

Me:Is now.

Me:Now, what don’t you get?

Python:Ah, yes. I don’t get why we can’t just hang out. We’ve been texting for three weeks now.

Me:We’re still getting to know each other.

Python:You named my damn bunny, Monty. We’re practically dating by now.

Me:Then why haven’t you taken me on a proper date yet?

Python:BECAUSE YOU WON’T LET ME!

Me:Oh. Yeah. Right.

Python:Is that what you want? A date?

Me:No. I don’t think I do.

Python:So just bang?

Me:That was the plan, right? We just have to bang each other out of our systems.

Python:Yes, that’s the plan.

Me:Then we’ll stick to that—getting to know each other, then work it out of our systems and going our separate ways.

Python:Yes. Yes, I’m liking this plan.

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