Page 40 of Can't Text This

Me:Everybody poops. Except girls. We don’t do that.

Python:Riiiiight.

Python:I’ll take him to look, maybe. I have a friend who has a rabbit rescue habitat. Maybe he’ll be able to help us decide.

Me:You have a friend with goats AND a friend with bunnies? Please, please, please give me a number here!

Python:Watch it, missy. I’ll start taking your begging for numbers seriously soon.

Me:Oh, you weren’t already? Oops. ??

Python:Ah, and another point to Montana Andrews.

Me:Nothin’ but net.

* * *

Python:You know what I just realized? Our two-week anniversary is coming up.

Me:That’s not a real thing.

Python:No, no, it totally is, and to celebrate, we should recreate our special moment in the bathroom, only this time we’ll both be naked.

Me:I’m sorry, you want to bang me in a bathroom? A BATHROOM?

Python:What? We all have fantasies. Don’t judge me.

Python:And don’t act like YOU haven’t thought of it either.

Me:Have I thought of us naked in a public restroom? No, I haven’t. That’s disgusting.

Python:You specifically said public…hmmm, noted. A private bathroom can be arranged.

Python:Come on, Monty. You looked so fucking hot up on that countertop, and you enjoyed every moment of it just like I did.

Me:You also bruised my bum!

Python:I’m sorry, what? I didn’t even touch your ass.

Python:Well, I mean I did, but not in the really fun kind of way.

Me:What’s the “really fun” kind of way?

Python:Oh, you know. YOU KNOW.

Me:Like…anal sex?

Python:My, Monty, did you just ask me to have ANAL sex with you? We haven’t even had REGULAR sex yet. You dirty little thing you.

Me:And we never will if you keep this up.

Python:Okay, I’m done.

Python:Butt maybe we can talk about anal later?

Python:I see you’re ignoring me. Just tell me how I bruised your ass.

Me:It was how I was…pinned against the counter.

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