Page 31 of Can't Text This

Me:What??

Me:Oh. EW! ROBBIE!

Python:Sorry, sorry. Keep going.

Me:ANYWAY, your, um, for lack of a better word, pickup line was the best I’d heard.

Python:THAT was the best one? There is literally no way.

Me:It’s true. One guy asked if I wanted to see his “holy grail” and another said he “farts in my general direction.” A third said something about going the “full Monty” with me, and I had no clue what that meant until I Googled it later.

Python:Oh. No wonder you picked me, huh?

Me:Stop saying “picked” like I planned to make out with a stranger in the bathroom.

Python:That’s not all we did.

Me:Don’t start.

Python:Fine, I’ll finish—oh wait, you already did…

Me:And you didn’t. Who’s the real winner here?

Python:Fuck. FOILED AGAIN!

Me:It’s, “Curses! Foiled again!”

Python:Well, I said fuck.

Python:Did that turn you on, Monty?

Python:FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Python:Did I lose you again?

Me:No, I was driving back to my apartment. My phone just read that out loud and I almost swerved off the road from laughing so hard. SO, THANKS FOR THAT.

Python:But did you die?

* * *

Python:Guess what I’m doing right now.

Me:Not working even though you should be?

Python:Damn, you’re good.

Python:I finished all my work already and have an hour to kill.

Me:Can’t you just go home?

Python:And miss an entire hour’s worth of pay? Hell no. I have bills and a kid to take care of.

Me:Good point. I didn’t think of that.

Me:I can’t wait until I’m collecting a steady paycheck again. I feel like such a freeloader.

Python:Aren’t you though?

---