Page 21 of Can't Text This

Me:Did you expect anything else?

Monty:I don’t even know you, but I can safely say no. It’s exactly what I expected you to do.

Monty:Shouldn’t you be driving home from work and not texting?

Me:I’ve been off work since three, thank you very much.

Monty:Shoot, maybe I should go work for MY best friend. Those are some nice perks you got there, Mr… Wow, I don’t even know your last name.

Monty:That realization just made me feel so…dirty.

Me:Cross. My last name is Cross.

Monty:Hi Robert Cross. I’m Montana Andrews. Even though you’ve already had your tongue down my throat and your hand up my skirt, it’s nice to officially meet you.

Me:Likewise, Montana.

Me:Okay, I’m just gonna say it: that’s a weird name. What gives?

Monty:It’s where I’m from.

Me:No, it’s not.

Monty:Is too.

Me:You do not look like you’re from Montana.

Monty:How exactly does one look like they’re from Montana?

Me:You know, lots of jean jackets and cowboy hats and boots. Everyone rides horses and chases bulls there.

Monty:Is THAT what people think of us?

Me:The geographically challenged, only lived in one place his whole life people do.

Me:That’s me, in case you didn’t catch that.

Monty:Golly, I’m so glad you explained that one to me.

Me:Smartass.

Me:You’re sexy, but you’re a smartass.

Monty:You like it.

Monty:^^I’ve never said anything like that before.

Monty:Moving on. So you’ve lived here your whole life?

Me:Yes, around these parts. We lived in a few different towns but finally settled here.

Me:How’d you end up on the east coast? Work?

Monty:Life. I had some…relationship troubles and decided to start over, so here I am.

Me:That’s a big move. I hope the “relationship troubles” weren’t anything too serious.

Me:And in case you wanted CliffsNotes for that text, I meant please fucking tell me your relationship troubles don’t involve an abusive ex.

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