Page 12 of Can't Text This

“I already used my best one-liner on her when I met her.”

“What was that?” He gasps. “You didn’t use the angel one, did you? Because that one ishorrible.”

“No. I asked her if she wanted to see my python.”

He nearly falls off the stool from laughing so hard, and I love that I didn’t have to explain it to him at all.

“Fucking genius,” he says, pulling his black frames off his face and wiping away the tears that have formed in his eyes. “Even I would have followed you into the bathroom after that one.”

I smirk. “I wouldn’t have to use any lines on you.”

“Only because I’m easy.”

“I’m sure Delia loves that.”

He snorts and stands, grabbing his plate and walking it over to the sink. He also rinses it and puts it in the dishwasher like the good little houseguest he is.

He tugs the fridge open and pulls out the leftover pizza from last night, flips open the lid, and shoves a slice in his piehole.

“Sure, help yourself, man.”

“Thanks.” Or at least that’s what I think he says through the mouthful of food.

My phone vibrates against the countertop and I freeze.

Then I spring into action. I snap it up and dance my fingers over the screen to enter my passcode, eager to see what she’s responded with.

Monty:Oh.

“What the…”

I show Zach my phone and he shrugs.

“Beats the shit outta me, man.”

I quickly respond.

Me:I can’t tell if that’s a bad “oh” or a good “OH”.

Monty:It’s a surprised oh.

Me:A good surprise?

Monty:Good.

Monty:I think.

Me:I was going to call…

Monty:I would not have answered.

Me:Um…okay.

Monty:That sounded so rude. I’m sorry. I just meant I wouldn’t have answered because talking on the phone makes me want to vomit. I can’t handle it.

Me:I like that answer much more.

Monty:Me too.

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