I press on. “Are you? Is that what this is? You only talk to me when we’re alone or with the boyfriends, never anywhere else. Hell, whenever we walk to your house at night, you walk at least two feet in front of me. Am I that horrible to be around?”
He finally opens his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it.
“You know, it’s kind of funny how you criticized Jase for the way he treated me when you’re doing the same thing. What gives, Carsen?”
I raise a brow when he doesn’t say anything.
“Oh, I can talk now?”
I wave a hand his way. “Please do.”
“I’m doing it to protect you.”
Apparently someone just pulled out a wand and hit my ass with astupefyspell from Harry Potter because what. The. Fuck. “What does that even mean?”
“It means my reputation is shit. I don’t want you tainted by it.”
“Carsen…”
“I don’t understand what we’re doing here, Elliott. I don’t know what I want this to be, to mean. I only know I like spending time with you. You treat me like a person. I haven’t had that in so long and it feels good.Damngood. But I…” He licks his lips. “I don’t know if I can give you much more than what we’re currently doing. I want to keep you at arm’s length because I’m scared of what I’m capable of.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Hell, I don’t even know if you want more. Tell me, what do you want?”
I don’t know.
Do I want something else? More? Do I want this to stop altogether? No. I like Carsen. He’s different, treats me differently than anyone else ever has. Ilikespending time with him, and I don’t mind being seen with him.
I don’t like his anger or his sudden mood swings, and I’m assuming that’s what his “what I’m capable of” comment is about. It scares me too, but the more time we spend together, the more his sourpuss mood goes away.
So, I don’t know how to answer him. A part of me does want more, but I’m scared to gothere.
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t either.”
“What does that mean?”
He lifts his hand, cupping it around the back of his neck. His bicep swells as he squeezes his neck. “It means we keep on keepin’ on?”
I shrug. “That sounds fine to me, but, Carsen?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t have to not talk to me in public or keep your distance from me. I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you. Ilikeyou—a lot, if I’m being honest. I don’t give two shits what everyone thinks of you or of me, and I for damn sure don’t care about what they think of us together. So stop pretending to not know me, you jackass. Deal?”
He chuckles and steps in close, cups my face and lays a gentle kiss to my lips. I feel his thumb stroke across my cheek as he pulls back and stares at me.
“Deal.”
“Well, well. What do we have here?”
Bryan startles us apart. I nearly choke on air and Carsen turns white as a sheet. Our boss stands there gazing at us both, his hands on his hips, a slight smirk on his face. “Well?” he pushes.
“N-N-Nothing.” Carsen barely gets the word out. He looks like he’s about to shit his pants.
“That didn’t look like ‘nothing’ to me.”
“It w-w-was…”
A quick laugh escapes at Carsen’s second attempt to get words out. I point toward the bumbling idiot. “He kissed me. I kissed him back. We good?”