Page 84 of We Are the Stars

“I’ll think on it,” I promise.

“And this thing with Carsen?”

“It’s over.”

“Overover?”

“We agreed to be friends.”

“You’re okay with this?” she presses.

“I have to be. It was my idea.”

“It was?”

“We were using each other.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“You’re not going to like it…” I warn.

She raises a brow and I give in.

“Fine. Here goes.” I take a deep breath and push out, “Iwantochangemymajor.”

It comes out as one word and her confused expression lets me know she didn’t understand it.

“Come again?”

“I said, I want to change my major…I think.”

“You think or you do?”

“I do—I think.”

Mom laughs lightly. “Wow, way to make that more convincing.”

“I’m bored. With everything. I thought getting a job over the summer would cure my boredom, but it did nothing. Well, I mean, technically it did. It landed me in the middle of all the Carsen shit, but that’s not the point. The point is, I’m still bored. It didn’t fix me like I wanted it to. I used Carsen as a distraction. He didn’t deserve that, and neither did I. I need to work on me and I want to start with school. I know I have business administration as my major right now, but it doesn’t interest me, doesn’t challenge me enough.”

Mom’s expression is neutral, and I don’t know if I should be worried or not.

“What major are you thinking of switching to?” she asks.

“Education. I think I want to be an English teacher.”

“Hmm…I can see that. Are you sure? You know what everyone says about that degree and obtaining a steady job after graduation.”

“I’m aware, and I’m ready to work hard for it. I know it’ll be tough, but I can do it.”

“If that’s what you truly want, your father and I will support you.”

I nod. “It is.”

“Okay. Good. Now, how are you going to move forward with everything?”

“I think…I think I’m going to write more. I’m going to start doing things I want to do for me. I feel like I’ve spent a lot of the last several years bending to make others happy and I’ve lost sight of what makesmehappy. I think I need time on my own to find my way back to that.”

She smiles one of those secret mom smiles, that one where they know something you don’t. They’re frustrating and comforting at the same time.

“I think that’s a brilliant idea,” she says. “Where are you going to start?”

I take a deep breath and look her directly in the eyes. “With me.”

Her smile widens, and for the first time in quite some time, I feel ready for the future.

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