Page 80 of We Are the Stars

12

Carsen

You’d thinkthat after waking up in a cemetery on numerous occasions, I’d be used to it.

I’m not.

The bright morning sun licks across my skin. I crack open my eyes and peer around for the groundskeeper. He’s nowhere to be seen, but I’m almost certain he wouldn’t care that I stayed the night. We have an unspoken agreement about it.

I push myself to a sitting position and rest my back against the headstone I was resting by.

“Ma, I screwed up.”

I pluck a few blades of grass and twirl them between my fingers before throwing them away, watching as the wind catches them and carries them away.

“Big time. I was in a fight last night. I know, I know, shame on me, right? But, Ma, that kid…” I grit my teeth thinking of that prick Jase and everything he and friends said. “He’s a grade-A dick. I know that doesn’t excuse what I did, but he had it coming.”

My heart begins to hammer in my chest thinking about last night.Elliott.The look on her face was devastating. I fucked up. I lost control. And in the middle of all that, she got hurt.

“The boys called me last night freaking out. They ran into Elliott outside the restaurant, where they had planned to spend their date night, and took her back to my house. Nate was fuming, and I’m certain if I were there, he would have thrown a punch my way—and I would have had it coming.

“After they told me Elliott was passed out in my bed, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go home, so I opted for the next best place.” I pat the headstone. “Here with you, Ma.”

I leave out the other details of what happened, of Elliott’s head injury, and of exactly what Jase and his buds said about me.

“I think I—”

My phone chimes with a text.

Elliott:Are you okay?

Me:I should be asking you that.

Elliott:Are you coming back home?

I know she doesn’t mean it in that way, but when she says home, my heart soars—then crashes violently back to the ground because there is no hope for us anymore. I ruined that.

Elliott:You can. We should talk.

Me:I’ll be there in five.

Elliott:Are you with her?

Me:Yes.

Elliott:Tell her hi for me.

Despite the turmoil brewing inside me, I grin, because I swear this woman is just like my mom. Her kindness and patience know no bounds.

“Elliott says hi, Ma.”

I kiss my fingers and place them to her headstone before taking off toward my house.

My steps are heavy with trepidation. I don’t know what I’m going to walk into. My best friends could turn on me, and I wouldn’t blame them. The girl I’m steadily falling for could walk away from me, and I wouldn’t blame her.

Or, by some fucking miracle, I could walk in and back out with only a scratch.

But I’ll most likely crumble under the rubble of the disaster I’ve created.

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