Page 78 of We Are the Stars

“Do you want something to sleep in?”

I shake my head. “I’m fine. Leggings are practically pajamas anyway.”

“Good point. Stay here. I’ll go make up the spare bedroom for you.”

I reach out for him. “No, wait. Can I…” I hesitate, worried this could be a bad request. I forge ahead anyway, knowing where I’ll be most comfortable. “Can I stay in Carsen’s room?”

Blake raises a brow. “Are you sure?”

“It’s peaceful in there.”

He nods solemnly. “Okay.”

The boys help me up the stairs and lead me into Carsen’s room. The lights are off and we keep them that way, the room plenty lit with the moon shining through the large windows facing the lake.

My chest grows heavy at all the happy thoughts I’ve acquired in this room in such a short amount of time.

I can’t believe the Carsen in those memories is the same wild, uninhibited, frightening Carsen from the restaurant. He was uncontrollable, relentless. There was no stopping him once he let that darkness out.

Darkness. He warned me of it. I ignored him.

I shouldn’t have ignored him.

I grip at my chest, now fraught with new weight, and clutch at the pain settling in. The pain for Carsen, for me. For the entire evening. For him walking around with such fury, so many shadows inside him for so long.

It’s a burden, one he’s borne with strength, and one that’s now destroyed everything good he’s worked so hard to build in seconds flat.

“If you need anything, anything at all, call out to us. We’ll hear you.”

“Do you want us to stay?” Blake asks.

“No,” I say, shaking my head, my eyes growing heavy with tears. “I’ll be okay.”

“Okay.” Nate grabs hold of his hand and they begin to back out of the room. “We’re right down the hall…”

“Thank you. For everything. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I feel…” I can’t help it; the tears cascade down my cheeks.

I’m scooped up in another hug, this time from both Nate and Blake.

“It’s fine. We’re here for you. You’re not putting us in a bad spot. Everything will be okay,” Nate reassures me.

They give me one final squeeze before steering me toward Carsen’s bed. The blanket is pulled back and I’m pushed under the comforter and tucked in.

Before they go, Nate leans down and whispers a soft goodnight. I hear Blake sigh and they leave me in the darkness.

The door is left ajar, and I can hear them outside in the hallway.

“Call. Him,” Nate hisses.

“I will, but calm down. We have no idea what happened.”

“She was bleeding, Blake. Do weneedany other information?”

I can picture Blake resting his hand against his boyfriend’s heaving chest. “Nate, yes. You know we do. Relax. I’ll go call him now. Let’s go to our room. She’ll be fine.”

“We need to check on her soon. She could have a concussion.”

“How about we take turns tonight, huh? Every two hours or so? Deal?”

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