Page 61 of We Are the Stars

“I can’t believe you have this in your bedroom. I’d spend all my nights staring at the ceiling if I had this. It’s mesmerizing.”

“I fall asleep with it on often, or out on my balcony. I’ve been known to spend the night out there too.”

“All to be closer to her?”

“That, and it’s become a comfort all on its own. It’s a reminder that I’m not alone in the world. That it’s all written in the stars, that there’s a reason behind all of this…well, shit. Keeps me going some days.”

She rolls to face me, and I match her movements. “You’re not alone. You have two amazing friends down the hall who are probably sexing it up right this very moment.”

“Oh good, I was craving that visual today. Thank you for that.”

“And you have the bowling alley. Cal. The diner. You’re not alone. There are people who care about you and do their best to make sure you’re doing okay.”

“I suppose in a certain regard, you’re right, but none of that feels like enough.”

“It doesn’t fill the void,” she supplies.

“I don’t want to simply fill the void. I want to feel genuinely happy again, and that’s a big task to take on for anyone.”

The light bounces off Elliott’s eyes and I can see tears threatening to spill over. Am I only capable of making her cry? Making her sad?

You’re pathetic!I can hear my father shouting those words over and over, and it takes me right back to that dreadful night in Boston.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t you fucking think about it, Carsen.

“Can I ask you something?” she asks, pulling me from the memory.

I open my mouth and her hand shoots out to cover it. “Don’t you dare say ‘you just did’.”

I chuckle as she removes her hand. “You did, but sure. Ask away.”

“What did you and my dad talk about?”

“He didn’t tell you?”

She shakes her head. “Not a peep.”

“Oh. Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. I figured you’d have asked him.”

“No. He retreated out to the garage once you left, and I haven’t had the courage to bring it up since.”

“Your dad…he’s one of the good ones. We talked about my mom. He told me stories she left out. Then he gave me a rather stern warning regarding you.”

She pushes herself up on her elbows. “Me? What? What for?”

“He seems to think we’re ‘doing the deed’ and because of that, he said I better not break your heart.”

“And…”

“If I do, he’ll first come for me at night when I’m least expecting it. It could be days or months down the road. Then he’ll kidnap me, torture me by making me listen to opera while he methodically tears out my fingernails. He’ll then break my index fingers on both hands because it’ll be a huge pain in the ass to do any type of work with two broken index fingers. Next comes a toe, because those things take forever to heal. After that, he’ll dump me off in a field somewhere out of state with no clothes, no phone, and no hint of how to get back to civilization. And once Idoreturn, he’ll start over.”

Elliott stares at me in disbelief, her mouth continually floating open and closed.

“There were a lot of other details. It was all very specific and sadistic. He said every word with a smile.”

She bursts into laughter and I can’t help but join in.

“My god. I think this made me love my father even more.”

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